What My Father Taught Me About Being Present
A Story About Dad
My dad is hands down one of the best examples of being present I have ever known. His example has deeply rooted how I want my daughters to remember me when they think of their childhood and has helped shaped the kind of life I want to give them.
Both my dad and my grandfather made their families a priority. There is no doubt about this in my mind as I always remember them at sporting events and school events. We would do a lot of fun family events too, fishing, holidays get togethers, etc.
The picture above is when my daughter was less than a year old. It was one of the few times we had four generations of my family together for a photo as I live in Portland, Oregon now. However, we got together for a holiday and had to make sure we got a picture in for the records.
When I look back at this picture, it always reminds me growing up how often my dad made it to all my sporting events. In fact, it is amazing to me how many sporting events he made it to even though I road the bench most of the time.
The Year Dad Watched 100+ Baseball Games
My junior year of high school my dad watched 100+ baseball games between my brother and I. In this specific year, I played both Junior Varsity and Varsity Baseball (where I was mostly a bench player) and went on to play summer league baseball too. Probably about 60 to 80 games of baseball that year.
My brother played a short season middle school league and was on a summer team too. This came out to be about 30 to 40 games too. And I am very certain my dad made it to almost all of them.
So many baseball games!
Because I love a few stats, here are a few for you. Our games at that level were seven innings long, that is over 700 innings of baseball. That many innings translates to 4,200 outs.
My dad was always proud to be watching us place sports.
A Little About My Dad
My dad was a dry land wheat farmer in eastern Washington state. What that means is he farmed wheat without irrigation, he completely depended on the 12 inches of rain we would receive each year to grow his wheat. He had worked other places before taking over the family farm, but he has always been proud of the farm.
He worked hard on the farm. Some years prices and crop yields weren’t great. And other years, they were the best he had seen. And he and my mom worked hard to help my brother and I never know if it was a tough year or a good year.
And no matter how good or how bad the year, Dad was at our sporting events.
Being Present as a Father
This was one of my dad’s strongest traits. He was always present when we did things. He went to our sporting events, helped with Boy Scout Campouts and Hikes, came to school events, and now that I am a dad visited us even though we are six hours away.
What he taught me about being present is simple: if your kids matter to you, really matter, than you will be there for them.
Here are a few lessons I learned from my dad:
Distance: No Distance Too Far
No matter where we played football, basketball or baseball my dad would come to our events. If we were near the Canadian border or on the opposite side of the state, he would be there.
When my brother and I did Boy Scout campouts or 50 Mile Hikes, dad was always on the support teams to help us. No matter how far away we were. He would make the drive with all the gear and make sure he could be there with us.
Time: No Time Commitment Too Long
My dad was the only one running our family farm. And the year he made it to 100 games of baseball he spent thousands of hours driving too, watching, and driving home from the games. It didn’t matter if our games were super long at in our home town or a couple hours away.
Dad was going to be there no matter how long something went on. I cannot remember a time when he left early, ever. Even if it meant he would have to work longer other days, he made it to our events the entire time.
Child: No Child More Important
I’m not sure if my brother would agree with me or not, however, I don’t believe my father has a favorite son. He does a lot of things similar with us. And he focuses on the things we do differently too. But I would never think he has a favorite.
He was always equally present with us. And that is something I am learning a lot about with my daughters. Especially as they have different personalities. But I think my dad has done well with my brother and I.
Being Present is a Struggle in Our Culture
The problem for our generation of fatherhood is how hard it is to be present. There are a lot of things which get in the way of us being present in our homes. It is like multiple boundaries trying to keep us from our children.
Work gets in the way. My job takes a considerable investment of time and energy to do it well. I am typically very worn out by the end of the day. And it really is exhausting. But I want to give my daughters my best.
Technology gets in the way. We have cell phones, tablets, multiple computers, tv boxes of different kinds, and a myriad of other gadgets. It is easy to get a notification on my Apple Watch, which leads me to my iPhone, and then jumping onto my laptop. But my daughters are more important than that stuff.
Ourselves get in the way. One of my greatest lessons as a dad is learning how selfish I can be with my time and energy. I want to be reading, writing, working out or doing other things. But my daughters need their daddy. And my wife needs her husband. My family is not more important than my health maybe, but they are more important than almost everything else.
Entertainment gets in the way. YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, sporting events on TV, they all want to grab our attention. Sometimes it is merely watching something together. However, I am becoming more and more aware that while we are together, we may not be present. My daughters are more important than my entertainment.
There are probably other things which get in the way of us being fathers. If I am missing one, share it in a response. However, we need to actively start pushing back against the things keep us from our children.
And when we are present for our families, we help build into our children. We prepare them for the future when we are actively engaged. Our presence as fathers will establish great foundations for our kids.
Respond and Share
What things have gotten in the way of you being present in your household? Have you had good examples in your life? What is a way you work at being actively involved in your home? Share in the responses below.
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