Choose Your Own Misadventure: You Are Insane but Having a Blast — Part 5
Part Five of an ongoing interactive story in which I am just amusing myself.
You and your equally insane friend, Bingo Kim, are standing on a concrete patio in the city park. A police office approaches at a fast walk, possibly to tell your friend to get lost for scaring the park’s patrons with shouts of “bingo” as they squash bugs. Or perhaps the cop is coming to apprehend you for your diabolical crime of accidentally stealing a neon green keychain from a convenience store. If only the hated man from your building had not exposed you in your act of unintentional theft!
Of all the infinite choices you could have made in this precarious situation, you have chosen to initiate a tactic first learned in your years as an unhoused person, a strategy gleaned from the wise hobos of yore. You and your friend each twist and twirl in imaginative and free-flowing dances designed to confuse the “normal” people of the world. It is a sight to behold.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave the …” the police officer begins. His stride ceases at the edge of the concrete patio, and his jaw hangs as he watches from the grass two immaculately bizarre individuals engaging in movements both sublime and surreal.
“And now, the worm!” you announce. You thrust forward and fall face-first onto the concrete patio with a crunch. “OWW!” you wail.
“Oh, jeez!” the cop reacts with concern. He moves forward to help you up.
“Kim! Help!” you plead from the ground with a bloody nose.
“I got this! Time for a song! BINGO!” Kim vomits the words into the sky.
Kim launches into a herky-jerky shuffle that slides between you and the police officer. They bark out song lyrics from a golden oldie. “Splish splash I was takin’ a bath,” they begin, before adding new lyrics, “with my hair dryer! Zzzzt! Zzzzt! Ahhh! Ahhh!”
“What the … ?!” the cop exclaims, stunned.
Kim continues to writhe and shake with one foot raised, morphing the song into an exorcism of pretend electrocution.
“GO! Bzzzrrrtt! Ahhhh!” Kim commands you between imaginary electrical shocks.
You rise, feeling hot liquid drain from your nostrils over your mouth. Your eyes meet with Bingo Kim’s as they deliver a knowing wink. You nod at your friend and run.
Kim bought you some time! Now what?
It is time to choose! Post a comment with your preferred course of action. After a week (or two), the votes will be tabulated and the most popular choice will act as a springboard for the next part of the story. Your choices are:
- Run back to your apartment complex
- Run to the hospital (your nose could be broken)
- Run to the cemetery (it is usually pretty quiet there)
Good luck!
