Dear Medium Algorithmic Bot “Jonas:”
Thank You For Your Artificially-Intelligent Reply To My Medium Tech Support Issue…
I love your platform, a global gift to authors and readers, and have been trying to publish my first story on Medium for two weeks now.
However, there’s something evil lurking in the technical submission process on my account.
I did everything correctly. Used the drop-down menu to Add To Publication. Submitted my Unsubmitted Draft to the Identified Publication. Clicked on Select and Continue, and then…
Nothing happened!
The Submission Process has left the building. Shut down during business hours without leaving a sign on the doorknob to explain.
I tried again. And again. And again until my mouse finally disintegrated in my clenched fist.
And, JBot, if I may call you that…it’s not just me.
It took a village to become this exasperated.
I’ve been joined in my efforts to publish that story by my lovely Medium-Sherpa Roz Warren. My beloved assistant Deborah. My smart IT Guy Guy. (Not a typo. His name is Guy.)
I see their exhausted faces on Zoom, drinking too much now after weeks of trying to help me, and it saddens me to look at them. They barely answer my texts now.
Yes, JBot, I am the sole survivor.
For their kindnesses in locating you in the first place, I must also thank Dr Mehmet Yildiz Publisher, and Britni Pepper, Editor (plus uber-accomplished Author) at Illumination.
But don’t blame those two fine, innocent people for my snark, JBot.
If we have to step outside to settle this, Man to Bot, it’s just you and me, pal.
Now, credit where due, you’re an unfailingly polite and even “friendly” bot, so I don’t want to hurt your “feelings” if you’re equipped with a set of responses that simulate grievance when subjected to negative feedback.
But I would so love to interact with an actual Carbon-Based Unit that I will start a GoFundMe page if necessary to enable the apparently cash-strapped Medium management folks to hire one.
This is also a test to see whether this EZ mini-article will fly while my longer one (at 9 minutes with several images — conforming to your tech specs and properly credited) has thrown your mighty op center into a fainting-goat spell.
And otherwise, to paraphrase Mrs. Lincoln when asked whether she enjoyed the play except for that one distraction, I’m grateful for your platform and want to contribute to the publications that have generously accepted me as a writer.
So if you should receive this, JBot — and you simulate empathy so well, I have to admit, I can’t help but think of you sometimes as an actual overworked human — you can reach me at my email address on file in your compartment labeled “Respond: ‘Hi Chris’ + Whatever Generic Response Comes Up Next In The Auto-Sort.”
Thank you for crunching this.
And “have a nice day” as you may process such a concept in Algorithmia.
Chris Fox Gilson launched Virtual Fox Productions to apply virtual reality to digital entertainment. A former award-winning ad agency partner and filmmaker, he created campaigns for brands such as Citicorp, Heineken, and JVC. He authored textbooks in his field and best selling fiction sold to Hollywood. Chris enjoys aerobatics in World War II aircraft (favorite: P51 Mustang) and building DIY home projects like his outdoor office.
