Florida! A Redemption Story: The Musical

Sue D. Gelber
The Haven
Published in
3 min readNov 2, 2020


Will Florida be an early election bellwether? Or will it crack under pressure? This fun new musical production tries to find out!

by Sue D. Gelber and Tiffany Quay Tyson

“Americans may know who won Florida before they go to bed on election night.NPR News, October 31, 2020

Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash

Coming soon, don’t miss the new musical critics are calling “a real surprise,” “about damn time,” and “capable of causing PTSD flashbacks to 2000.” Florida! A Redemption Story premieres November 3rd on every broadcast network and will have audiences on the edge of their seats screaming, “Come on, Florida!”

Florida! is a coming-of-age story about a hapless misfit who can’t do anything right. Plagued by a history of bad decisions and tired of being the butt of every joke, Florida vows that in 2020 things will be different. But can this state leave the past behind?

As it struggles to reinvent itself, Florida faces peer pressure from its ne’er-do-well neighbors, Georgia and Alabama. What’s more, every winter a pack of snobby rich kids (New York, Massachusetts, and Connecticut) cozies up to Florida, only to abandon it like a blown-out flip-flop once Spring Break is over.

Florida sets out to prove that it’s more than a cheap vacation hookup. With a little luck and a lot of judicial oversight, Florida will show the world that it’s ready to grow up and commit.

Featuring original music and lyrics by Jimmy Buffett, Gloria Estefan, and Flo Rida, audiences will be humming along to the stirring opening solo from Florida, “My Chads are Hanging But I Don’t Know Why,” and the kicky ensemble dance tune, “Mar-a-Lago Morass (Welcome to the Swamp!).”

Other Act I musical numbers include:

New York, Connecticut, and Massachusetts: “Why Can’t You Be More Like Us?”

Florida solo: “Premature Projection, It Happens to Everyone”

Georgia solo: “It Can’t be Racist if Everyone is Doing It”

Alabama and Georgia duet: “Voter Suppression (If it Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It!)”

Ensemble: “Florida Man Goes to Washington”

Just when it seems like Florida will succumb to the influence of Alabama and Georgia, it pauses for a moment of self reflection. What does Florida want to be? A sunny destination for drunk college kids and even drunker retirees? The state where everyone really believes alligator tastes like chicken? A sophisticated income-tax free haven for Wall Street cheats? A quiet refuge for those who like to dine at 4:45PM and get home in time for Jeopardy?

As Florida struggles to find itself, it fends off threats from Gulf Coast hurricanes, two-headed snakes, a plague-ravaged Mickey Mouse, the ghost of Ernest Hemingway, and a spectacularly destructive visit from Alabama cousin Jeff Sessions.

Act II musical numbers include:

Hemingway solo: “My Cats Have Six Toes, but I Only Get One Vote”

Alabama and Florida duet: “The Sharpie Says Hurricane, but the Weatherman Says Blue Wave”

Ensemble: “Dead Men Can’t Vote: A Message from God’s Waiting Room”

And a Finale that will bring audiences to their feet as the entire cast belts out the new hip-hop classic “Florida Rising (Politically, Not Sexually).”

Will Florida finally have an election free of miscounts, injunctions, and voter intimidation by armed gator-wrestling militia groups? The answer will be revealed at the world premiere of Florida! A Redemption Story on November 3, 2020!

Book by Carl Hiaasen.



Sue D. Gelber
The Haven

Writer, runner, dog person. Humor Editor at The Museum of Americana literary review. More info at suedgelber.com.