Inappropriate Workplace or Middle-aged Romance
Places where details matter
You rub sweaty palms against your khakis. You’ve arrived early to show interest without seeming needy. This allows you a moment to assemble a façade of confidence. A few affirmations in the bathroom mirror followed by a strong super hero pose. “I am worthy. I AM worthy.”
Works like a charm.
She walks in, right on time, looking striking yet professional. Your palms are suddenly moist again.
Introductions go well. Conversation flows. Confidence starts to take root. You think this might actually go somewhere. Along with the usual questions about your background, things flow easily into more candid topics. She leans in with interest. You try not to look down her blouse.
This is your chance at something meaningful
The opportunity sounds amazing. She’s definitely considering you. The encounter ends with a friendly exchange and a promise to be in touch. You like the sound of that. You try not to look at her butt.
You follow up with a text and call. Both gestures are appreciated. Advantage, you.
You’re called back for an onsite meeting. Your excitement grows. She draws you into her office. More private. More intimate. The compatibility is palpable. Your excitement keeps growing. You hope it isn’t growing enough to be obvious. This is your chance at something meaningful. You don’t want to screw it up by looking desperate. Or by looking down her blouse. Or at her butt.
She’s giving you your shot.
The next day you get the call you were hoping for. You’re in! She’s giving you your shot. The big leagues. A prize spot on a roster you could only dream of. And probably will dream of later that night to deal with the growing excitement.
You show up the next day filled with eager enthusiasm. You pull out all the stops, wanting to impress her. Wanting to show her she’s made the right choice. You focus on her, take everything in, remembering every little detail. She seems impressed by your attentiveness, satisfied to find someone so focused on details. All the details. Even the ones most people ignore.
You can envision this one lasting.
A chemistry starts to build between you. There is a rightness to how you work together in any setting. Onsite meetings. Offsite meetings. You play off each other. She shows you details you’ve never seen before. Shows you how to work those details. Massage them. Bend them to your will. So many details.
She is the perfect partner. Your collective organization grows. Often. Along with your excitement. You can envision this one lasting. You can see a future stretch out before you. Plans feel destined before they’re made. What couldn’t you do together? The two of you against the world. This is going be epic. You start to feel it doesn’t get better than this.
And then she lets you go.
No warning. No signs. Completely unexpected. One minute you’re deep in the spreadsheets reviewing details and the next you’re hanging up the phone wondering how you just got fired. You scroll through mental records looking for clues. Looking to find what went wrong. What you could have done differently. You paid attention to the details, dammit. All the details. Even the ones most people ignore. You tried to learn her preferences. Her ways of doing business. What did you miss? Were there more details?
The company is going in a different direction. She compliments you on your efforts. Gives you nothing but praise during the exit interview. Offers to provide glowing references for the future. The future that won’t include her. She assures you that you’ll be the perfect fit. Somewhere else.
The organization dissolves. Your excitement shrinks.
There was no time for you to tire of the position. You could not imagine being solicited with a better offer. You loved your job. There was never a sense of overtime. No tiresome politics to navigate or sensitive feelings to placate. You never felt undervalued. The benefits were solid. The opportunities were, like the coffee, hot, invigorating and bottomless.
Ironically you know you’ve done the same thing before. Walked away from perfectly good opportunities for some seemingly minor grievance or neglected detail. You reflect back to those exit interviews where the tables were turned and notice the striking similarities. Offered flattery and platitudes to protect the other party from a potentially painful truth. Just appreciation for their service, and a wish for found happiness. And now it’s your turn.
How do you reconcile that?
You consider if it’s possible to get another chance. You found the dream team you wanted to stick with, and now it’s gone. A missed opportunity. How do you reconcile that? How do keep looking for what you just had? People tell you not to dwell on it. Her loss. Your perfect match is still out there. Just keep moving. Just keep looking. Hard consolations as you empty your desk and your heart, walking away from something special.
Time to dust off the resume. Maybe take some extension courses. Expand your horizons. Maybe you’ll learn some exotic new details for the next position.
