New Study Suggests “Celtic Punk” Not a Thing
Implications Could Affect As Many As 32 People Globally
In groundbreaking research, scientists have confirmed their long-standing suspicion that Celtic and punk have no business together. The classification, Celtic Punk, gained traction during the 1980’s because someone’s cousin Doug heard The Pogues on college radio.
The new revelation has sent shockwaves through hardly any communities. As many as 3 to 4 bands worldwide could be forced to make up their minds.
In previous studies, researchers failed to unravel why the name felt bad. For example, in one attempt, scientists dropped the phrase Celtic punk into casual conversation. It triggered subjects to retract their heads into their necks like something smelled whiffy. However, there was also a tendency for participants to “let it slide.” So, the study was inconclusive.
Scientists were also stumped because the two sub-genres independently were actual things — and the similarities didn’t stop there. “Celtic acts and punk acts share a proclivity for forming trios,” said lead author, Dr. Dü, widely renowned for his umlauts and also for acumen with inscrutable sub-genres. He went on to note that both groups migrate throughout the Rust Belt in Econoline vans, subsisting on whiskey or sometimes whisky. Also…
