Scary Story #3

**You can find Scary Story #1 here and Scary Story #2 here

Once again everyone’s favorite, idiot-brained child (Todd) was looking to have himself a spooky adventure filled with drama and action, all while displaying a blatant disregard for human decency. If you are unfamiliar with Todd or whatever his name actually was in real life, I can’t remember, let me catch you up on some of his misadventures. The first time our boy Todd dabbled with the unknown he broke into a haunted house in search of ghosts, which he found. Pretty uneventful. Then, a short time later, Todd biked across town to the woods to find a mythical monster, which he also found. I won’t bore you with the details.

A lot of things in Todd’s life had changed since those paranormal outings. He and his family had moved to New Mexico where his parents started a very successful turquoise jewelry making business. His parents’ new job kept them busy which allowed Todd to pretend the turquoise business was the reason they didn’t care about him or what he did. With his new found neglect coping mechanism, Todd was free to explore the town as much as his stupid little heart desired. Everyday at the crack of 1:45 PM Todd went out to see what the town had to offer, although he rarely found anything besides disappointment, some glass soda bottles, and a large, purple marital aid.

Despite all of his enthusiasm, dumb Todd wasn’t having any luck in his quest for spookems. However, that would change. While in a tree hiding from a rattlesnake, Todd overheard two police officers talk about an abandoned insane asylum where an infamous serial killer lived. They had pulled over to laugh at Todd. The officers said they were GOING to go check it out, but it was already 4:30 PM on a Friday so they decided to push it off until Monday. After 5 more hours of being in the tree to avoid rattlesnake death, Todd had an epiphany about how to find a spooky scary thing to investigate. He decided to go to the abandoned insane asylum himself and see the serial killer. Upon jumping down from the tree, Todd realized that what he thought was a snake was actually just a small piece of hose.

Todd returned home to gather supplies for his adventure. When he walked in the front door he saw his parents sitting on the couch vaping into each other’s mouths. When Todd asked what they were doing, they both flipped him off without looking away from whatever it was they were doing. Todd went into his room and put a flashlight, a pocketknife, and a “clean” pair of underwear in his backpack. He couldn’t think of anything else he could possibly need for confronting a known serial killer so he was off.

Todd went back to the living room to tell his parents his exciting news. When he entered the room he found his parents burning pictures of him as a baby chanting: “No son! No son!” Todd decided to leave without saying anything which was fine because they wouldn’t have cared anyway. Todd didn’t think that, I’m just making sure you as the reader know. Parents chanting “no son” whilst burning pictures of said son is rarely associated with loving, attentive parents.

In Todd’s last adventure, as I’m sure you remember, Todd’s beloved bike was stolen and jacked off on by a local crackhead, which meant Todd was on foot for this one. The walk was uneventful, but walking around New Mexico at night can be dangerous. The ground was crawling with snakes, scorpions, and little pieces of hose, but Todd wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t afraid mainly because he couldn’t see them. Todd could be described as “spacey” or “doesn’t pay attention” or “basically a baby except with more bones and object permanence”.

Other than the wildlife and a homeless man chasing him for 6 blocks, Todd’s nighttime trek was relatively uneventful. He got to the abandoned insane asylum and found it to be abandoned, which Todd thought was an astute observation. The building itself was ominous as well as gargantuan. Various types of growth had reclaimed the sidewalk and cement stairs, while graffiti of anarchy symbols and large penises helped set a daunting tone. One time in gym class a older boy drew a penis on Todd’s forehead and everyone laughed at him. It was hilarious.

Todd hesitantly approached the door of the asylum. The door was open and had a broken chain laying nearby. Todd concluded that someone must have used a bolt cutter to break the chain, which was a great fucking guess considering there was a bolt cutter not 3 feet away from the door. If he had taken any time at all to examine the steps he would have known for SURE that someone had used a bolt cutter to get in, but Mr. Busy Smart Brain couldn’t be bothered. Idiot.

Todd slowly entered the asylum which, I’m sure you’ll recall, was abandoned. The tiles were as dirty as tiles that were dirty and the building smelled of either skunk or 420 dank kush weed pot. It was completely black inside so Todd couldn’t use his masterful craft of observation to fixate on minor details and ignore important ones. Tragic. The building was mostly silent but Todd could hear the faint sounds of wind and animals in the walls. Even in the dark, he could feel that the floor slanted slightly to the left. Nothing major, maybe just a few degrees off perfectly flat, but Todd could notice. Todd noticed weird shit like that. What a goddamn prick of a child.

After standing perfectly still in the darkness for what seemed like 56 seconds, Todd heard a loud bang from a few rooms over. Todd wasn’t startled by this at all and didn’t even poop his pants (lie). After a quick change of underwear, Todd began tiptoeing down a long hallway towards the noise. He took out his flashlight and shakily held it out in front of him. By the light of the flashlight Todd could see that the now illuminated hallway was splattered with recently dried blood. He could also see a thick trail of blood leading from the door. Todd knew he shouldn’t have worn his white Crocs that day. The blood trail seemed to lead into the old morgue. As Todd got closer, he could hear moving and commotion coming from the room.

“I’m not alone here,” Todd accidentally said super fucking loud. I don’t know if you’ve ever spoken at normal speaking volume in an empty building but that shit carries. The sound of movement in the room stopped for a few seconds, then continued. Todd sighed in relief, then started moving closer to the morgue door. When he got close enough, he poked his head in.

The almost every inch of the abandoned asylum morgue (great name for a metal band) was covered in blood. In the corner were bodies hanging from hooks and almost every available surface in the room housed various jars full of human body parts. One of the jars on a counter had a leather baseball glove in it, which Todd thought was kind of weird. However, being fascinated by the mysterious jar of glove, Todd didn’t notice a blood soaked man standing with his back to the door, dissecting a human specimen. The man turned around to grab something off a counter when he saw Todd.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” The man yelled in surprise. He was wearing a long, black trench coat, a hood, and a surgical mask. He had long rubber gloves that went to his elbows. In his right hand was a human eyeball, and in his left was a bloodied knife. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I…” Todd had no words. He was in shock.

“You almost scared me half to death! JEEZ!” The man angrily threw his knife and the eyeball into a nearby sink. “You can’t just sneak up on people like that, kid! I was kind of in the middle of something and I wasn’t exactly prepared for people to barge in here!”

The man wiped blood off his gloves onto a nearby rag. He was trying to play it cool but he was obviously upset. After a few seconds, he threw the rag into the same nearby sink. He rubbed his temples with his left hand then turned to face Todd.

“So?” He said, throwing his arms up dramatically to show frustration.

“…so…so what?” Todd managed to stutter.

“So?! So what are you doing here?!” The man snapped. “You come in here, sneak up on me, scare me half to death, then stand there and stare at ME like I’M the idiot! I don’t come to your house and jump out of your closet while you’re doing homework or whatever it is kids do.”

“I…I just…I just heard that a serial killer lived here…” Todd was getting embarrassed. The man was making it very clear that Todd should feel bad for what he’s done.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here! I heard that old people live in old folks homes, but you don’t see me tiptoeing around there trying to sneak a peak at one!” The man was starting to lose what little composure he had left.

“Well the police said that…” Todd tried to explain himself but the man cut him off.

“The police said what? What did they say? Did they say that they knew I was here but they rescheduled to MONDAY to come take a look around? Does that ring a bell?”

“Yeah but…”

“No! No ‘yeah but’s! Did they. Or did they not. Tell you they were coming here Monday?” The man was leading Todd, who was looking down at the floor like a puppy being scolded.

“…yes.” Todd was avoiding eye contact and fighting back tears.

“YES! Do you know why? Because that’s how schedules work! If I had SCHEDULED a snot nosed little punk sneaking in and trying to give me a heart attack, I probably wouldn’t be so upset! Yet here you are!” The man reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a cellphone. “That’s it, I’m calling your parents so they can come pick you up. You a very rude little boy and I think they should know about what you’ve been doing.”

“But…but you kill people! You’re a murderer!” Todd found enough courage to respond, a statement that brought a look of disbelief to the man’s face.

“What does that have to do with anything? Sure, I kill people and collect their body parts or dark and twisted experiments, but do you know what I’m not? I’m not an ASSHOLE! Only an ASSHOLE would break in somewhere they don’t belong and purposefully try and scare someone.” The man took a deep breath in an attempt to call down. “What are you parents numbers?”

Todd gave the man his parents’ numbers. The man called Todd’s mother first, but she didn’t answer. The whole time the man was mumbling to himself while Todd stood awkwardly in the doorway. There was chair nearby but it was covered in blood. Also Todd hadn’t been invited to sit down. The man called Todd’s father, who picked up.

“Hello, this might sound weird, but do you have an asshole kid?…Oh you do! What is his name?…OK you just listed of like 6 possible names but could you describe him?…yeah…mhmm…yeah, stupid face for SURE…yeah I think that’s him. Anyway, I live up at the abandoned insane asylum…yeah by the mall, kind of. Anyway, your son, Tim or Terry or whatever, broke in here and scared the shit out of me!…what a dick right? Is there any chance you or your wife could come pick him up?…Oh?…Oh I see…Well, thank you anyway. Sorry to bother you so late.”

The man hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket. He then removed his gloves to reveal hands that looked like they had been severely burned at some point. There’s actually a super cool backstory about him and how his hands got burned, but Todd had to go and ruin it for everyone. Jerk.

“So,” the man spoke, “your parents said they aren’t going to waste the gas to come get you but they did tell me it was OK to kick you out so that’s what I’m doing.”

The man escorted Todd back down the hallway, the whole time mumbling swear words and insults. When Todd was outside, the man slammed the door and Todd could hear the sound of multiple heavy locks being engaged, along with the continued sound of the mysterious man mumbling to himself. Eventually Todd couldn’t hear the mumbling anymore and that’s when he knew it was time to go. Todd began his long walk home feeling very ashamed of himself and nervous about what his parents were going to say.

After a long walk Todd finally made back to the block his house was on. However, when he got to his address he saw that it was no longer a house but instead a pile of ash and rubble. On the front step of the burned home was a note that read:

“Dear Tory or maybe Tim?,

Your mother and I were burning all of your stuff and things got kind of out of hands. Whoops. We are currently at a hotel but I can’t remember how to spell the name of it so just meet us here when you get back. Or don’t idk. You’re an adult, do whatever you want. Also we changed our phone numbers so strangers don’t call us to bitch about you. It’s nothing personal, but your mother and I don’t have anyone to call and bitch about you to so it doesn’t seem fair that strangers get to.

I’m rambling. Anyway, see you later maybe. Who cares?

Jerome and Stephanie

PS: Just because we don’t have a house anymore doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay rent this month!”

Todd slept in a pile of ash that night.

THE END?

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