Economic Ergonomics
Supplying Demand: 10 More Business Ideas
Still just an idea guy…
#1. UpTalk+
Do you sound like a heavily concussed hockey player when you speak? Do you keep referring to your notes or obfuscate in general when the floor is yours? Do you stutter like Porky Pig when you try to articulate yourself? Well, now you don’t have to with the revolutionary advancement in speech medicine that UpTalk+ has developed. Just one pill will have you speaking at peak confidence for hours at a time. Warning: Side effects may include sleep talking, spontaneous urges to improvise, and monologuing.
#2. CleffedUp
Do you want your life to be more like a musical? Well, now you can with CleffedUp! With the one-time purchase of our revolutionary modulator, you can select a genre, choose a key signature, time signature and tempo, and then once you hit ‘start,’ everyone in a ten-mile radius, including yourself, will break into song. Everyone will conveniently know all of the lyrics and choreography simultaneously!
#3. iSuggest
From arguably the largest tech company in the world, Apple presents iSuggest. Apple has teamed up with premier neurosurgeons to create a technology that cures boredom. Whenever you feel bored, iSuggest will recommend a vast array of things you can do. It’s like autosuggest but for your brain! You’ll never be bored again, thanks to this groundbreaking new technology! So come on down to your nearest Apple Store and get the life-changing surgery done today for the low cost of just 5 billion American pesos. Warning: may cause sleep deprivation and/or existential crises.
#4. The Modfather
Have you ever wanted to play a video game on an obsolete or unpopular video game console? Well, now you can with The Modfather! Our tech innovators have been able to retrofit modern video games like EA’s NHL 24, Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto V, Apex Legends, and Red Dead Redemption 2 as playable on consoles like the Wii, NES, Dreamcast, Atari, Game Cube, various arcade machines, and so many more!
#5. The iCloud Cycle
Has your phone ever been stuffed to the gills with apps, music, podcasts and what have you to the point where it just has no more storage? Well, you’re in luck because Apple has harnessed the natural power of the water cycle to reduce storage on your iPhone.
Step 1: Evaporation – Your data gets swallowed up by the Cloud.
Step 2: Condensation – The Cloud compresses all of your files, and essentially reduces them to atoms.
Step 3: Sublimation – Your atomic files are converted into folders.
Step 4: Precipitation – Your folders transform into water vapour as it falls from the Cloud.
Step 5: Transpiration – As this water precipitates, some of it is absorbed by the soil which allows it to transform into pieces of a physical manilla folder.
Step 6: Runoff – These shards of manilla folder sprout legs and jog to the nearest power outlet.
Step 7: Infiltration – Invading these power outlets, the now sentient shards of manilla folder splinter their data through the current of the power source they exist in, and your data is then backed up on your iPhone on such a microscopic level, that no storage metric could ever record just how insignificant it is.
Go to your nearest Apple Store today and ask for the iCloud Cycle to be installed on your device!
#6. CustomerServed
Do you work in a customer-oriented retail position that regularly gets you annoyed or frustrated with the people you have to deal with? Well, thanks to CustomerServed, you can now legally slap back without having to worry about being fired or face any kind of repercussions whatsoever! CustomerServed is a service carried out by our team of highly qualified personnel that tracks the perpetrator and generally makes their life more miserable for 24 hours. After that time has expired, a more inconspicuous representative of CustomerServed will show up at that individual’s door to tell them that they just got served.
#7. Prank Bank
Have you ever really wanted to pull one over on someone or a group of people? Never fear, your local Prank Bank is here! Come down to your nearest Prank Bank today and get a quote for how drawn out you’d like your prank to be. Our team of experts and consultants is always ready to execute the prank you desire. Struggling to think of a good prank? Don’t worry about it! We’re a bank full of awesome prank ideas. We can do everything from setting three pigs loose in your workplace labelled #1, #2, and #4, to slipping blueberry juice in your boss’s veneers. Our motto is “Don’t thank us now, thank us later… and you can take that to the bank.”
#8. Eject Shoes
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you could not have been more embarrassed or humiliated in public? Well, say goodbye to feeling uncomfortable and say hello to immediately rocketing out of those situations… literally! These shoes were designed to have a miniature rocket booster on the underside of the shoe, and it is powered by chainsaw fuel. The shoe will feel your pulse around your ankles; if it reaches a high enough pulse, you’re flying away instantaneously! Eject Shoes eject you at the right time!
#9. Attributor, an Eye-Glassware Company
Do you struggle with reading people? Well, now you can literally read people like a book because of the revolutionary technology that comes in the form of our glasses. As you look at people with these glasses on, you will get a video game-like run down of that person’s attributes, likes, dislikes, and any other imperative surface-level information to grease the runway for you to optimize your potential interaction with them. Available in all sorts of styles, colours and tints, including sunglasses! Come on down to your nearest Attributor location and get fitted for your futuristic frames today!
#10. Mono Logger
This is a full-blown device that allows users to track their symptoms, temperature, emotions and other factors affected by contracting the mono disease. This revolutionary tool is available in many forms. For all you archaic posers, we have notepads, Macintosh 512K’s, Scribblers and other retro-tech available to track your mono stats. For people in the new age, we have top-of-the-line iPhones, Androids, and skilled artificial intelligence technologies ready to be at your disposal for you to keep a tally of those metrics. But that’s not all folks! It’s not just any old mono symptom-tracker! If you write in pen, the paper will decompose in a matter of seconds. If you type in Comic Sans, the device will disintegrate imminently. That’s just the cutting edge of how delicate this sophisticated platform is! If you write or type about symptoms related to a different ailment, the same deconstruction will occur. Poof! It’s absolutely gone! Furthermore, anyone from South Dakota, South Carolina, South Korea, and the South of France is inexplicably ineligible for this particular device. Our focus group research has indicated that those regions are the most likely to get mono, so it would be difficult to justify giving those populations our devices when they’ve essentially screwed themselves as a society with how susceptible they are to this disease. Get a Mono Logger today, it could save your life! I mean, either that or I could jump to monologuing about the disadvantages of this product.
Have you seen enough awesome business ideas? Surely, you haven’t, so check out these as well.
