The Easter Bunny’s 10 biggest pet peeves

I have feelings too, ya know!

Source: To Do Canada

At the same time every year, people seem to forget about the fact I DO still exist and I DO still leave eggs in gardens for ungrateful children who are bored by my eggs and would rather spend hours with their eyes glued to their iPad or PS5 screens.

So I’m going to speak for all of us hard-working Easter-related mythical creatures here when I say I’m P*SSED OFF — and to explain how humans can help me feel less p*ssed off I’m going to write this list and leave a copy in every garden I visit this year.

My Pet Peeves — by The Easter Bunny

1. Dog and cat sh*t. I step in turds at least 1,783 times every Easter when hiding eggs in flowerbeds. CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR PETS!
2. Cigarette stubs everywhere. Brings on old smoking urges.
3. Pet rabbits. Yes, really — they either attempt sexual advances or they attack me. Keep them inside your house this Easter.
4. Dogs. I’m an intruder to them and I’ve contracted rabies more times than I care to mention.
5. Children. This is why I plant eggs late at night, when children are asleep. That way they can’t hug me or chase me around the garden and then scream when I tell them I’ve gotta leave because my boss won’t give me a raise if I don’t complete a certain number of gardens.
6. Laying the eggs. My ass hurts.
7. Gardens of wealthy families. Walls that are too high for me to spring over, security cameras everywhere, pools to fall into, and overall too f*cking pristine and tidy. No foliage or tall grass for me to hide eggs in.
8. Easter house parties. There’s always drunk teens passed out and rude people in the garden — and if the party’s still happening, I go back to being the bunny I was before Narcotics Anonymous meetings.
9. Trigger-happy men. When planting eggs in US gardens, bored, white middle-aged men will shoot at me just because they want to murder something cute to compensate for the fact they probably have a small penis — killing a big, cuddly bunny rabbit makes you more of a man apparently. A lot of them wear MAGA hats.
10. Last but not least — Chocolate eggs. They’re putting me out of business.

Thank you for taking the time to read and hopefully understand the sh*t I have to deal with year in, year out.

Wishing you all a wonderful Easter — and please… keep your pet rabbits inside!

-Easter Bunny