Calling Out the Sacred Cows & Elephant in the Room
Have you ever encountered a sacred cow or elephant in the corner of the room in your meetings, conversations or relationships?
Maybe it was something on everyone’s mind but is not being talked about? Or perhaps it was a story being laid down on top of the truth? Or, it could just be something you observe that feels mis-aligned with the truth — both your personal truth and the broader collective truth.
In each of these scenarios and the many others like it — we know. Our intuition tells us long before we’ve consciously processed that something doesn’t add up.
And typically from somewhere out of the deep dark mysterious corners of our minds up will pop a question. And then you realize your imposition — this may be an unpopular question.
You get nervous, anxious, your face pulses with warmth, your palms start to sweat.
You realize that this question could topple the elephant in the room or the cow on the pedestal.
And so you do your best to ignore the knots in your gut and you keep your mouth closed.
Why silence?
In my experience, it seems like we always choose the silence. Our minds are good story tellers and they begin whispering…
- I am not the right person to ask this question
- I’m not smart enough to be thinking about it the right way
- Someone more senior will ask if it’s important
- I don’t want to be made a fool if the answer is blatantly obvious
- I don’t want to be trampled by someone unwilling to acknowledge that elephant or cow in the room.
100 reasons. Every single one easily justified in the moment.
This the perfect example of our mind’s ability to override the beautiful intuition of our gut. Intuition is never more clear (or more beautiful) than in these moments.
I hope you’re thinking of one right now…
Where Does Silence Take Us?
Because now I want you to shift and think about what played out in the days and weeks after that experience.
Was your gut wrong? Was it making that feeling up? Were you totally off-base with the question burning in your mind?
My guess is the answer is No.
The Invisible Game
The game that we play here is absolutely fascinating. Because it is always, always in our best interest to ask those intuition driven questions. And yet we don’t, because this is a harder more uncomfortable path to take.
It is the road less travelled.
In service of Self
But in the long game acting on this intuition is the springboard to your best life. Three things happen every time you gain the courage to call out those sacred cows and elephants in the room:
- You accelerate the rate at which you learn about yourself
- You accelerate the vetting process of all of the people and things not aligned to the life you are striving to live.
- You cross the neuroplasticity gap and make this particular high dive in your mind, the banishing of cows and elephants, a little less daunting in your next exposure (there is always a next time…).
It will feel painfully uncomfortable in the moment. And in this feeling lies the twisted beauty of our guts — the feeling of what is right by your intuition is utterly unavoidable.
In service of Others
There are two (positive) external consequences that will result every time you act as well:
- You will immediately force a gut check of everyone in the room.
In real time they will have to decide whether they are willing to come to the table of vulnerability and openness or will they continue to play the game of dress up. There is no opting out of this decision, silence is an answer in and of itself.
- You will earn the quiet respect, trust and confidence of your peers. This simple and sometimes subtle act of vulnerability sets you apart as a leader in your community.
There is great power in modelling what life looks like in discomfort. You are doing this for others in this moment. For some, it will be aspirational.
The greatest version of yourself at work
So why does this matter? Why should you step up and inflict this discomfort on yourself?
IMHO.
It is because this process of calling out the conversation underneath the conversation is actually about defining the truest version of yourself.
This process isn’t about confronting any other person. It’s not about being contradictory or rebellious. In it’s rawest form this is all about you. It is a selfish act at the foundation of shaping who you want to be in the world.
My encouragement to you
The next time you’re in that situation where something doesn’t feel right, when all of the cards don’t add up and you get those gross knots in your stomach — my encouragement to you is to step up, stand out and lead with courage and vulnerability. Be comfortable in the discomfort of calling out the sacred cow or elephant in the room.
And never lose sight of the fact that through this process you are taking yet another small step in defining the very best version of yourself.
Continue Reading in the Human Performance Lab:
I founded The Human Performance Project to equip humans, teams, and groups with the roadmap and tools required to pursue audacious goals, dreams and aspirations in the Deep End of life. You can learn more about this work here.
