Book of Jo: When bad things happen to almost good people
Parts 12 & 13: Nauseated and defiled
Start with Part 1. Or read a quick, spoiler-free synopsis.
September 20, 2016
Tuesday, 8:00 pm
“This is such a great idea!” says Kat, filling her glass with Riesling.
“Absolutely,” says Lulu. “You gave me the perfect excuse to cancel on the adult diaper guy.”
“Adult diaper guy?” asks Cedar. “Is that just a guy who gets off on wearing Depends?”
“I wish,” says Lulu. “This guy likes to take a dump in his diaper.”
“Have you considered raising your rates?” asks Kat.
We all laugh and then begin paging through menus, comparing options. The others study me with concerned eyes. The whole purpose of this evening was to get me out of my house, and away from my father who, for some reason, can no longer stand the sight of me. I think longingly of the wine on the table and Jenna’s Xanax on my nightstand. No chemical comfort for me for at least nine months.
“You know,” says Kat, “if you had a teeny tiny glass of wine tonight, I don’t think anyone would blame you. Under the circumstances.” Cedar and Lulu nod their agreement.
“Thanks, guys. But I better not risk it. My mother will roll over in her grave if I do anything to harm her unborn grandchild.”
“At least gorge yourself on something really fattening,” says Cedar.
“I’d really like to oblige,” I say, “but my stomach’s a little iffy right now.”
I order a small cup of clear chicken broth, while the girls select enormous cheese and chocolate fondues they hope will tempt me into eating. We’re energetically disparaging another one of Lulu’s clients — a Republican state senator with a foot fetish — when I see the text from Wolf: So sorry about what happened with your father. Meet me at 2727 Alabama Street when you’re done eating. We’ll have fun! Love you!
I wonder if Cedar called Wolf. If she did, I’m grateful. I don’t feel like going home. My living room is no longer a room. Now it’s the place where my mother collapsed. Where the EMTs loaded her onto the assembly line of death. And I’ve been wanting to ask Wolf what exactly he and my mother were fighting about.
“Hey, check this out!” cries Cedar. It’s a huge fondue pot filled with pungent melted cheese and a platter of small breads and pickled vegetables. I smile wanly. I want to be hungry and stuff myself with decadent carbs and fats. But the smell of the cheese has made my stomach clench into a tight, angry ball.
When the nausea becomes overpowering, I leap up and rush to the women’s bathroom. The door opens easily, but I’m too late. There’s only one stall, and it’s already occupied. I quickly consider the alternatives — the sink or the garbage container. I lean over the garbage pail and bring up frothy yellow, sour-smelling bile.
I look up and I see an older woman, the stall’s noisy occupant, regarding me with concern.
“Are you OK?” she asks.
“Fine, just morning sickness.”
She nods and washes her hands while I wait. As she leaves she whispers something that sounds like accursed. I gasp, and my stomach lurches. I want to grab her arm, shake her, ask her to explain herself. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look terrible — pale and clammy with dark circles under my eyes. It occurs to me that I’m exhausted and grief-stricken, and probably starting to imagine things.
When I get back to the table, conversation comes to a halt.
“Honey, are you OK?” asks Lulu.
“Yeah,” I say. “It’s just morning sickness, I guess.”
“That’s because you’re accursed,” says Cedar. Or, at least, that’s what I think she says. But why would she say that? Is this some kind of poorly executed joke?
“What did you just say?” I ask, my voice unsteady. “Did you just call me accursed?”
Cedar looks at me with a puzzled expression. “No. Not at all. I said, ‘Sorry about your purse.’ I knocked it over, and now it feels a little sticky.”
“Sorry,” I say, rubbing my temples. “I’m so tired I must be hearing things.”
September 20, 2016
Tuesday, 11:00 pm
Berry is wearing a snug schoolgirl outfit with a bare midriff. She’s dancing with two tall men. One is wearing leather and wielding a whip. The other is dressed as an old-fashioned school master holding a paddle. The music is loud and techno. It’s giving me a headache. Wolf and I are sitting at the bar.
“You don’t look so good,” says Wolf with characteristic understatement. I’ve thrown up twice since we got here.
“Fucking first trimester,” I say, sipping a ginger ale.
I look around. Wolf and I are the only people who aren’t in costume. Wolf is elegant and dangerous in a black suit. I feel frumpy and out of place in loose-fitting jeans and a bulky grey sweater.
“Sorry, Jo,” he says rubbing my shoulder. “I thought this would be fun. Get your mind off things.”
“I know,” I say. “Thanks.”
We’re silent for a moment and watch Berry grinding into the leather-man’s pelvis. Then she turns around and starts kissing him. I am shocked. Berry is Brad’s wife. I can imagine her cheating, but I can’t believe she would do it with an audience. I feel the dull, heavy dread of moral obligation. I’m going to have to tell Brad, who is already drinking dangerously.
“I don’t think Brad would be very happy to see that,” I say, transfixed.
“Really?” asks Wolf. “Berry says that she and Brad have an open relationship.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah,” he says. “She says it’s working out really well. They share everything, and they don’t judge. They actually appreciate each other more now that they’re seeing other people.” Wolf is sounding just the slightest bit evangelical.
“I suppose the important thing is that they’re happy,” I say, cautiously.
“They are,” he says smiling. “Very.” I notice his canine teeth are long and pointy. Vampire teeth. He is in costume, after all.
“Vampire?” I ask.
“It was the best I could do on short notice,” he says, downing his rum and ordering another. I notice him staring at Berry. Now she’s making out with the leather man.
“Why didn’t you tell me we were meeting at a fetish party? I have that dominatrix outfit leftover from last Halloween. I could have swung by the house.”
“I’m sorry. I thought I’d mentioned it. Work was crazy today.”
“Really? You remembered to invite Berry and tell her to wear a costume.”
“The whole thing was Berry’s idea. She and Lulu were in touch on Facebook, and suggested we all meet up here,” he says in the slow, measured voice that means I’m being unreasonable.
“Oh,” I say, feeling foolish. I had no idea that Lulu and Berry were actual friends, let alone Facebook friends. “Where’s Lulu, then?”
“Client,” he says with a knowing grin. “That diaper guy. She couldn’t get out of it, after all.”
“Oh. That’s too bad.”
“Is it really true that Lulu never sleeps with her customers?”
“Yes. She might watch them get off, but she doesn’t touch anyone. It’s a lot safer, and a lot more legal, that way.”
Wolf nods, and we go back to watching Berry on the dance floor. I still want to ask Wolf about his fight with my mother, but I know this isn’t the right time.
“I think I’m going to leave,” I say, wondering if Wolf will go with me.
“That’s probably a good idea,” he says. “You look exhausted. You should get some sleep.”
“Do you want to stay?”
“I don’t really want to,” he says, “but I promised Berry I’d keep an eye on her. She’s had some Ecstasy, and she’s been drinking. A lot.”
I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of Wolf staying here with an intoxicated Berry. I remind myself that he’s my husband, and I trust him.
I leave the club and step into the cool, fresh air. The light rain feels good on my face. I can hear the faint sounds of a car alarm. As I walk the four blocks to my car, the alarm gets louder and louder. It sounds familiar, like something I heard in a dream.
When I see my car, I know why. Someone has broken the side and rear window glass. I feel nothing beyond tired resignation. I turn off the alarm, as if in a trance.
I walk around the car, carefully noting the damage, and then look inside. The stereo is gone. I brush the glass off the front seat and get in. My newly sensitive pregnancy nose is assaulted by the ammoniac odor of concentrated urine. My car has been defiled.
Book of Jo is a homeless novella that is going to crash on Medium for a few months. I will release new parts on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, until the whole story has been posted. Enjoy!
Read Part 1.
Read Part 2.
Read Parts 3 & 4.
Read Parts 5 & 6.
Read Parts 7 & 8.
Read Parts 9 & 10.
Read Part 11.
Read Parts 14 & 15.
Read Parts 16 & 17.
Read Parts 18 & 19.
Read Parts 20 & 21.
Read Parts 22 & 23.
Read Parts 24 & 25.
