How Many People Have You Killed Today?
Oh Angela,
Sweet,
Virginal Angela,
How many people have you killed today?
Please don’t be coy,
I see the bloody footprints on the floor,
I heard the screams last night,
I found a dude’s head in a garbage can,
The bar is on fire,
No one has seen Timmy’s father in three days.
Look,
I know you have strong feelings about this,
You’re so pure,
And kind,
And generous,
And you have such a boiling hatred,
For those that are,
Rude,
Vulgar,
Promiscuous,
Blasphemous.
You dream of the day,
When all are as pure,
And virtuous as you,
With no crass thoughts,
Or bestial desires.
You just want to sing songs,
Around a camp fire,
With other kind,
Innocent souls,
Your life a never-ending Disney movie.
But Angela,
Sweet kind Angela,
You can’t keep slicing fornicators in half,
Plucking out the eyeballs of disobedient children,
Strangling the throats of the greedy.
You will never have a world without sinners,
No matter how many you kill.
And even if you could,
Even if your axe could slice off the heads of all who displease you,
Your butcher knife can find every guilty heart on this planet,
Your loaded gun fired at every single person,
Who ever took the lord’s name in vain,
You’d be left all by yourself,
Sitting at a campfire,
Singing songs to no one.
And if you really wanted to purify the world,
Rid it of every sinner on its surface,
Then at some point you’d have to drag that dagger across your throat,
Because last I checked,
Killing people because they’re having sex and cursing,
Makes you a fucking psycho.
