Savior of Mankind
Leon didn’t want to fight the Dark Horde marching across the land,
He just wanted to pick blue berries and go fishing,
Then the archangel Impa said he was the chosen one,
And told him to get off his ass.
Leon picked up a sword and shield,
Fumbled as he tried to fight the giant butterflies and jelly monsters,
That’d come to infest the kingdom,
As the Dark Horde marched on.
Leon got the shit kicked out of him by a gang of evil squirrels,
And asked Impa why he had been chosen,
“I don’t make the prophecies friend,
Horde needs slaying, Git Gud!”
Leon wanted to run away,
Throw down his shield and sword,
Flee across the desert,
Grow a beard and change his name to Horacio.
But the monsters were on the prowl,
The giant worms slurped up grandmothers,
The werecats played with the bodies of the children they’d killed,
The jackalopes gouged out the warriors’ eyeballs.
The kingdom needed a hero,
A champion who could vanquish the evil,
And for…
