The Porn Emergency Response Plan
Your safety card to prevent relapses.
In case of an intense urge to watch porn, please follow the instructions provided in this manual to stop escalation.
Think!
When we feel triggered, often we react to it on autopilot.
I don’t know how many times I’ve reached for my phone or typed a certain website on my laptop as if in a trance, knowingly unaware of my own actions, long enough for the porn to show up on my screen and swallow me whole.
That’s why the first step of this plan is to give yourself time to think.
Find that moment of mental clarity, and use it to complete the rest of these steps.
Put away your devices.
Keep them out of sight or, even better, remove yourself from the room altogether.
I’d be crazy if I tried to quit smoking while carrying a pack of cigarettes in my pocket... yet that’s exactly what we have to deal with as recovering porn addicts. And while most of us just can’t give up our phones and laptops completely, if there’s a situation where we have to get away without them it’s definitely this one.
You first took some time to think. Now give yourself some space too.
Next, use that time and space to take a mental break.
We should all have an activity that we can do easily, under any circumstances, to get us out of that relapsing mindset.
My personal favorite is meditation. Anywhere I can watch porn I can meditate, and even just a few minutes of meditation can snap me back to reality.
Others prefer to take a cold shower, or to drop to the floor and crank out some pushups.
Pick your medicine, whatever it is — as long as it’s not worse than the disease, it’ll work just fine.
Sometimes that first resort is not enough, so you need to have a plan B.
Find an activity that you know will for sure put an end to the possibility of a relapse.
I’m talking about things like going out for a long walk, calling a friend to hang out, or hitting the gym.
These are things that might not always be available to you at the moment but, if they are, they’re guaranteed to work.
Use them if you have to.
Once the worst of the storm is past you, it’s time to do some digging.
This is when the real work starts.
Your job is to figure out exactly why you wanted to watch porn in the first place. Were you just horny, or was it something else?
Sometimes I’d be stressed out, and desperate for an excuse to procrastinate. Others I’d be particularly sad, and would see in porn a perfect way to numb that feeling.
Identify what was at the heart of your craving for porn.
For us addicts, there’s always something there, hiding in plain sight.
Did you find your why? Great! Then address it.
If you’re avoiding something that you have to do, suck it up and do it. If you’re horny and sex isn’t an option, you can always just masturbate without porn. And if you truly need a distraction, there are plenty of healthy alternatives to choose from: I usually watch a movie or play some video games, but you can enjoy whatever other hobby you may have.
After you’re done, you’ll realize how that overwhelming desire to watch porn has magically disappeared.
Celebrate!
You’re in the clear. Crisis resolved. You made it!
Enjoy that feeling.
You could have relapsed, but you didn’t, and your recovery process and your mental health are that much better because of it.
Find a way to reward yourself! It’ll help create a positive association that motivates you to take these good steps again in the future.
The emergency is finally over, but you’re not!
Now that you’ve come through it, take some time to reflect on what happened.
Was there something specific that triggered you? What actions could you have taken before this turned into an emergency? How can you do better in the future?
I like to retrace my steps one by one, paying attention not only to the things that I did and the situations I put myself in, but also to the way that I was feeling through it all.
Every potential relapse is a golden opportunity to learn something new about yourself and your addiction.
Repeat.
Recovering from porn addiction is a constant learning process.
Urges will come: sometimes you’ll beat them, sometimes you won’t.
I’ve personally lost track of how many times I relapsed during my years of recovery. You probably will too, and that’s ok. What matters is how you deal with them.
Apply yourself to following these steps no matter what, as best you can, time and time again. Incorporate everything new that you learn into your process.
Eventually you’ll see improvements, and this whole thing will become easier and easier.
Remember that your purpose isn’t to fight off all the urges that come your way — the ultimate goal is to not have them at all.
What’s in your math folder?
Do you know how to deal with your urges?
Quitting porn wouldn’t be so hard if you weren’t addicted to it. Urges will come, and you need to be ready for them.
Follow these steps or use them as a guide to define your own emergency response plan. Don’t skip the hard work, because that and only that is what’ll get you out of this.
Share your insights in the comments below, on social media, or in your favorite porn addiction community, and if you know others that are struggling with porn, help them by sharing a link to this story.
Let’s start a conversation!
Hi, this is James! Thank you for reading!
Every month, The Math Folder gives you an opportunity to work on yourself. A story to help you understand yourself better. It’s not the solution to your problems: it’s a reminder that the solution lies within you, and a helping hand to get you there.
The best way to benefit from this insight is to subscribe to The Math Folder’s FREE newsletter. A new story is published on the first Monday of every month, and it’ll be delivered straight to your inbox. That’s all. No spam, no paid subscriptions. Join us!
And remember: next time you feel like watching porn, come to The Math Folder instead!
