Our Rating System

Since political parties were created, many people have tried to categorise and sort them so we can figure out what they stand for and how they will act in future situations. However, all of these metrics miss one key point: the vast majority of political parties are complete trash so you really shouldn’t even care where on the political spectrum they lie.

That’s why we created our patented Dumpsterfire Rating System, which not only looks at what that party stands for ideologically, it considers if the party is made up of trash people who do trash things that make you wish that Australian politics would just die already.

The rating system has two components: Political Persuasion and Trash Value.

Political Persuasion

This is measured with your standard left-right political spectrum. To simplify things, there are 7 categories: Far Left, Left Wing, Centre-Left, Centrist, Centre-Right, Right Wing, and Far Right.

These are established mostly through publicly available policy documents (which are consulted for all party profiles), as well as statements and actions by the candidates and the party. Some parties don’t fit neatly into these categories, which will be mentioned in the individual party’s profile.

Trash Value

The Trash Value measures how sane and/or fit to govern the party is. These rankings are mostly separate from the party’s Political Persuasion, however it’s unlikely to find a party at the extreme ends that isn’t trash in some regard. There are four categories:

Tolerable

Just as how Australia’s fire rating system starts at Low-Moderate, the Trash Value’s least-trash level is Tolerable. Whilst not glowing praise, it’s definitely the furthest any party gets from starting to be awful. If your party is awarded this badge, congratulations! Sure they won’t inspire anyone or anything, but at least they’re not adding to the hellscape that is Australian politics.

But please remember, this isn’t an endorsement. This just means that the party hasn’t done enough for me to warrant a higher Trash Value, but doesn’t mean that they should be elected.

Inferno

The Inferno rating is where the trouble begins. Things are not looking good right now. The party is in crisis. A candidate said something racist. The leader was caught watching porn on the campaign trail. A party powerbroker punched Antony Green (how DARE they). Basically, events have happened which make the party look real bad.

However, it isn’t consistent behaviour, and after the scandal blows over, most people will forget about it and the party will be tolerable again. Again, this isn’t really an endorsement one way or the other — things might get better, they might not, and again even if it does blow over it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re electable.

Trash

This is where most parties live. Their policy is bad. Their candidates are bad. They’re engulfed in some minor scandal every second week. Thinking about this party’s existence makes you sad. There’s only one place that a vote for this party belongs — the bin.

Electing a Trash party gets you what you deserve — more trash. They are consistently awful, and really don’t deserve your time, or your vote.

Dumpsterfire

These parties are why you hate Australian politics. Not only is the party consistently awful to warrant Trash status, they are also embroiled in some massive scandal which is destroying voter engagement by the second. The party might be saying that things are fine, but things are so far from fine that a parking inspector doesn’t even recognise it.

The thing about a dumpsterfire is that even when the fire is put out, you’re still left with trash. So take the fire as a signal to run the fuck away while you can, before they can convince you that they’re a half-decent choice to vote for.

So that explains how the parties have been sorted and categorised. If you disagree with any aspect of this system, please see our Complaints Policy to make sure that your Vitally Important Opinion is heard.

Otherwise, head to the Party Profiles to see the ranking system in action.