It Changed My Life
Go Read Another Article
If you think you always have to be right.
If you think there might be another way, stay with me for a few minutes. There is one thing I promise. I will share the evolution of three simple questions that are life-changing.
Once you know what the questions are, the key is repeating the questions until they become ingrained in your cells and intuitive. Natural. Automatic.
Having these three questions in your line of sight is a great reminder and helps to anchor these questions as your go-to standard. At the end of the article is a graphic you can print, share, and post.
Forty Years of Evolution
For nearly four decades, I’ve used these three questions with my clients, my husband, and myself in business, family, and relationships.
The structure of the questions morphed and evolved to bring in the mindset of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness, two skills many people disregard. I’m the perfect example of that.
Once I fell in love with poker, I began using these three questions in real-time, which helped me improve my game fast:
To highlight what I had been doing well
To learn from my mistakes
To identify potential fast-action improvements
The Questions Began This Way
My husband and I first started using these questions in their original format in our real estate business. He had learned them in sales training with Xerox, where he became the top national salesman.
He taught me how to be good at sales, and he said I’m a quick study. We asked them of each other and our sales soared.
The Original Questions
- What did you do right?
- What did you do wrong?
- What can you do now to fix that?
Wait, Here’s the Problem
When we say right and wrong, our conscious mind believes there is only one right answer. We step into that judgment mindset.
When one person asks another and says you, that places blame.
The structure of the questions feels like a finger-wagging exercise. I bet you know what I mean.
Poker Example
Question: “How do I play pocket aces?”
My response is always the same, “It all depends.”
There is no right or wrong way to play pocket aces during a poker game. Although I must admit, there is often the stupid way, which I’ll get to in another article about poker.
It all depends comes into play in relation to the situation at the poker table. Your position. Your chip stack. Your read on other players. How you feel. Your confidence level. How willing you are to take a risk.
Sounds a lot like life. Right?
The fact is that we never have all the information at any given time. We make decisions based on the incomplete information we have.
As an entrepreneur, one of the biggest mistakes I’ve personally made in business is that I waited too long to act. I lacked confidence. Was unwilling to take a risk. Hence the door of opportunity slammed shut. SLAM!
Why Ask Just After?
The questions are now called an After Action Review because they are asked as soon as possible after an action has been completed.
Why?
To identify what works, what might be done another way, and where to focus right now to improve.
I use this question and answer process when I write an article, give a masterclass, am on a podcast, and even make a graphic.
Going through this 3-question asking process helps you get better faster without judgment, guilt, blame, or shame.
When I am working with clients online, I now share the questions on a screen and ask the client to read the question out loud. Then, I ask them to take a deep breath and respond.
Taking a moment to respond allows the subconscious mind to rise up. We then are closer to speaking our truth.
Today’s 3-Question After Action Review — The 3Qs
The questions evolved over time, and the first question has notable sequencing from “What did I do right?” to “What did I do correctly?” to today’s version “What did I do well?”
The second evolution using the word correctly was being used during the last decade until 2021, when a client said, “Hey, using the word correctly is judgmental. It indicates there is something incorrect.”
Immediately, I shifted the question, and it feels so much better all around. I’m grateful for the input. I call it The E3 — The Extra-Eyeball Effect.
Yes, I do love words. We create our reality by the words we choose.
The 3Qs of 2022
- What did I do well?
- What might I have done differently?
- What can I do to be more effective?
The United States Military Version
After doing this asking process for years, I discovered the military does a similar technique called an After Action Report.
When I discovered the following website that did a great job defining the After Action Report process, I chuckled and felt like I had trained their trainer.
Interesting it has the same acronym, AAR. Although to the best of my ability, I shy away from acronyms. In my humble opinion, there are only two that the world knows, the FBI and IRS.
When to Ask
Think of when you might use these three proactive questions.
- after you give a LIVE masterclass
- after being on a panel or a podcast
- after making a phone call
- after making what others might call a sales call
- after a date or business meeting
These questions work well at the end of the day before you go to sleep, and at the beginning of the day when that is your preference.
On a daily basis, I use the 3Qs. Often multiple times during the day, and continually when competing at the poker table.
The 3Qs can become your own internal coach. They are mine.
When you ask these three questions, be kind to yourself. Love on yourself. Give yourself slack. You deserve.
CREATING A HABIT
Make asking these well-crafted questions a habit.
Ask and answer them as soon as possible after any specific action.
They also work well when you look back over a longer period of time.
Asking Suggestions
Answer #1 and #2 with 2021 in mind. There is still time to cultivate your successes and identify your lessons.
Focus on going forward in 2022 while answering #3.
Click here to download the 3-Questions graphic so that you can print, post in your line of sight, and share.
What does creating productive habits require?
Time and consistency.
Think of this 3Q asking-practice as training for the Olympics. It’s never a one-and-done; it is doing it over, and over, and over again.
In my head, I keep hearing Derek Hough from Dancing with the Stars say, “Do it again… Do it again… Do it again…”
The Donna Blevins Intention
“To create a safe space that is guilt-free, judgment-free, blame-free, and shame-free.”
The following is Donna’s blessing at the end of her private and group sessions:
“I love you just the way you are, and I am here to serve — you.”
Dr. Donna Blevins, a poker mindset coach, received the Recognition Award from the U.S. Dept. of Veterans Affairs for her volunteer work with veterans with traumatic brain injury and PTSD.
Donna teaches MindShifting™ online worldwide from her home on the Gulf Coast of Florida and loves speaking in person. Her MindShift On Demand website is here.
