Justified
A poem about how I always justified my actions and never stayed true to myself
Do I make good decisions?
Am I a good person?
Was that the right decision?
Not one person can answer the question but you
In reality, we know nothing is right
We only convince ourselves what is right by other standards
The mind of a child is almost immune to the standards
They don’t compare what they understand but by why
When I was a child I used to think about what I would do when I was older
I made choices for my future self (or at least predicted)
In those choices, I was level minded and knew why not do something
I was influenced by almost nothing
No peer pressure
No embarrassment
No anger or sadness
No adrenaline
No hormones
And No insecurities
The thoughts from my childhood became almost law to me
Like pacts
In 3rd grade, our whole school promised to not do drugs
I wonder how many people came to break that promise
Why would they go against themselves
If they knew what they wanted then why did they change their mind
I went against myself
In those moments I justified my actions
My actions went against my pacts but the justification made it ok
If 6 year old me could see me today, what would they think?
All of these pacts were broken because of reckless justified decisions
Could I ask for forgiveness after all that I had done
How many bridges I had burnt of paths that I could have taken
And now with my post justified mind, I see why not that what I did was wrong or right but why
Can I fix this and change
After all of the damage, I have done
it seems that my world and future has fallen apart because I justified going against myself
Those decisions changed my path
Even today I still justify recent decisions when I previously said the opposite
But now it is time for me to stop letting others and impulse control my decisions
I should not justify why but think why am I doing this
Justifying my actions doesn’t make it ok but twists my view more away from a mind of a child
