When is it Time to Let Go?
Walking away from toxic relationships
Being an adult is hard, especially when it comes to relationships. In our youth making friends was easy because we bonded with individuals that were shoved into the same situation as ourselves. For example, the same girl scout troop, hockey team, and classroom; are all situations where people can bond over the shared experiences and some choose to forge relationships from those.
As adults we often make friends with those individuals we work with, or as our children get older, the parents of the other children involved in the same activities. So what happens when you discover the person you have become friends with is not the person you think they are? That they have created a mask of themselves that is different for each person they meet.
Many times in our lives we reach a “critical mass” point, that our brains and bodies finally say enough. We can only handle so much drama, and we can only watch people self-destruct for so long, before it takes a toll on us.
When we see someone going through a tough time, and it feels like the universe just keeps pounding them, we feel empathy and want to help ease their burdens. We wonder why their family or other friends would treat them that way, and we go above and beyond to help them. Sometimes this is detrimental to our own families, as we use time and/or money to help this individual.
The problems start to arise when you don’t do what they want exactly when they want it, or you don’t pay for something when the hint is dropped. We watch these individuals continuously making decisions and display behaviors that we would typically see from teenagers, not a grown adult with children.
Honesty Can Hurt Sometimes
You are the friend that is honest and expects honesty in return, so when you tell them that a decision they have made will cause them more problems than it’s worth, you hope they listen. You move past it, because it was a decision made during a heightened emotional state and you think they have learned their lesson, but two days later they do it again.
So you inform them in a more brutally honest way that it will hurt them. Why do you even waste your breath, because you care about them and what happens to them. They have told you to be honest with them and to support them. Yet what is their response to helping them, they block your phone number so you can’t contact them.
You are fine, you realize maybe the drama isn’t worth it and you wish them the best if that is the behavior they want to display. What happens next is slow and eye-opening. People start to ask how your friend is and when you mentioned they haven’t talked to you, they reveal all new details to you about this friend.
Not only was this person deceptive to you, but they were deceptive to everyone. Telling so many lies they have forgotten who they told what to. This is what really sets you off at this point, the lies. You will be loyal and support a person no matter what, as long as they have been truthful with you about everything.
Were They Ever Really Your Friend?
You find out this person who claimed they would never judge you, did in fact do just that and then turned around telling other people what they thought of you. Revealing opinions about your kids they have kept to themselves, and your house apparently is not to their standards.
As an adult losing a friend is more crushing than when we are younger. Why? Because friends are not easy to come by, they are harder to make as adults with responsibilities. We have built up walls the older we get and when we find a person we are willing to tear down a wall for, it means something.
When this “friend” takes what you have offered and basically spits in your face, how do you handle that loss? They didn’t die, but you are grieving a loss nonetheless. The loss is devastating because you have lost a person you confide in, you have lost the ability to trust, and you have closed yourself up again.
We wonder why the older generations are angry and bitter, maybe this is why. The continuous step into the unknown of trusting another person and having them tear you apart, until all that remains is anger.
When too much really is too much, then you start to get an idea of what or who someone truly is and it causes your life more stress rather than adding to it…..it’s time. It’s time to let go and release yourself from that. We need to be careful that in our desperation to have friends we don’t get dragged into their drama to a point where you are drowning with them. Friends are there to pull us up, but if you reach your hand out and that “friend” continues to keep dragging you to the bottom with them, we have to let go.
We can love a person and hope for the best for them, but that person has to be able to look at themselves in the mirror and truly see themselves. They have to be the ones to make the changes and review their decisions, these individuals do not take criticism well and lash out.
So if you are a person that needs to be told it’s ok to walk away, here is your permission. “It is going to be ok. You can walk away and be ok. YOU are going to be ok.”
