Switching from Fear to Courage: Meet Lauren Kovaleski

Let me take you back to March 2016. I was struggling with my job in New York. I felt out of control, undervalued and exhausted by my own unachievable expectations. I knew I needed change but did not know the how or what. At the same time, I was newly engaged. My fiancé was living in Kansas, preparing for an upcoming deployment. We had dated long distance for several years and were both ready for more.

In less than 120 days I had quit my job in New York, married the love of my life and moved 1,300 miles to Kansas to start our new life. I was propelled into married life and military life — learning acronyms and military lingo, furnishing our home, mentally preparing for my husband’s first deployment, and learning to cook for two. Ok fine, I was learning to cook but, I was happy yet scared for the unknown.

To many, I’m a lucky spouse. I got a job less than a month after moving to Kansas. That job transferred with me through our first PCS move. I’ve been promoted and have provided financial support to my family. It has taught me so much about the military community, opportunities for myself, my spouse, and helped me grow immensely. What it lacks is the ability to last wherever the military may take us. It also lacks a space for me to be creative. A year ago I knew I was beginning to plateau. I found myself once again in an out of control spiral where I constantly felt flattened by not feeling successful. I knew I had more potential but couldn’t see a clear vision of the future.

Fast forward to present day. I have been a military spouse for almost four years. I have only now just begun to validate that identity for myself, instead of for others. Maybe it is time, maybe it is age. I believe it is who I have surrounded myself with this past year combined with the personal development I invested my time in. I was lucky enough to connect with Justine Evirs through a wonderful organization called, American Corporate Partners. She was assigned to be my mentor for the next 12 months and we worked specifically on setting goals, opening up to out of the box opportunities and building skills to prepare me for a remote career. I also met countless other inspiring women in the spouse community, so quickly that my network began to transform. They are always showing me the importance of being genuine to myself and those around me. They have emulated courage and inspired me to do the same. I have grown personally and professionally in the last year, mainly because I have said YES to things I normally would have turned down out of fear. I have gone to networking events where I knew no-one, alone — something I NEVER would have done if not pushed to go.

For me, I need creativity and constant growth in my work, in my career to continue to thrive. The ability to express my creativeness brings me joy. I need to write, plan, design and feel purpose. I also need the security that I can work from anywhere and not have to leave a job I’m passionate about because of a military move. In the same breath I am fearful of making the leap to something new. My job has been good to me and I’m scared to let go of that security.

I have been asked to share my story and help share the stories of other military spouses, an opportunity that I never envisioned. Painting a picture or speaking in front of 300 people does not scare me. Writing scares me. The vulnerability of my words forever being on a piece of paper or a digital webpage frightens me. What scares me more is my fears stopping me from reaching my full potential.

Fear. It has stopped me from pursuing countless opportunities. This year I am trying to not let fear control my decisions. I am hoping by stepping out of my comfort zone and saying yes more, I will be able to get closer to my full potential as a professional, a wife, a friend and human.

The Paradigm Switch (TPS) exists to bring together military spouses who are unapologetic about their ambitious career goals and their commitment to the military lifestyle. Today, I am here to talk about their program Switch in hopes that someone reads this and thinks, “I have needed this” or “I often experience the same feelings”.

TPS program, Switch is designed to be engaging, to get you thinking about your purpose and what is holding you back. Inside I was experiencing a lot of anxiety over feeling plateaued in my professional life. When I first joined TPS I was considering grad school and even quitting my job. I had a lack of direction and no sense of professional self worth. The anxiety of failure I felt from my time in New York was boiling back to the surface. I undervalued myself and my past work. Working through the Switch program provided me access to personal and professional resources for remote work, entrepreneurship and other freelance style employment opportunities — something I had not considered. I’ve seen and worked with hundreds of different military resource programs and there is nothing quite like Switch. The Switch program gave me a place to identify my strengths and lay all my cards on the table. It forced me to be present and honest with where I was at and more importantly, where did I want to go? A place to write out my goals and hold myself accountable. Switch gave me the focus to make actual 1, 5 and 10 year plans for both my personal and professional life. The encouraged interactiveness of TPS was and will be a space for me to hear other women’s struggles and triumphs. Real resources, real stories and a positive support system. I put in a lot of thought and effort when going through Switch. I reevaluated my strengths and weaknesses, applauded past accomplishments and prepared for the next chapter of my professional life. A chapter where I will not sell myself short, a chapter where I will say yes to more opportunities and a chapter where I can work from anywhere.

I am here today stepping out of my comfort zone and facing my fear head on thanks to the opportunities TPS have provided to me. I am here putting my Switch goals to work. I’m here to reintroduce myself to writing and to share on common ground with others like me as a dedicated volunteer to the TPS community. I want to pave the way for others so we can all establish flexible careers to take with us anywhere in the world. COVID-19 has forced thousands to lose their income. Underneath the stress and anxiety I’ve felt the past few weeks, I feel a calmness that I am on the right path. TPS is here to help me and other military spouses build a more portable career.

Justine shared last week about the future of TPS and its commitment to create an unapologetic and welcoming community where military spouses can connect, share and grow. She also mentioned their investment in the curriculum they have built that teaches military spouses how to work anywhere in the world. With the TPS team investing their limited resources in their curriculum and the global network I am confident that we are paving the way for thousands of spouses after us. This is a place to lift each other up. So, let us share our fears, our goals, lessons learned and resources so that we can all continue to grow and build careers that we can take anywhere in the world.

Here’s to applauding our own strengths and growth.

Here’s to taking full advantage of new opportunities, especially the scary ones.

Let’s connect! Share your story, questions and comments with me and other readers.

We need it now, more than ever.