I’m hitting all the goals I set myself on December 31 —This is what I’m doing differently this time…
I’ve never been cynical about New Years resolutions in the way that some people are.
Even if I doubt my own capacity to fulfill a goal I still see the benefits in having them.
This is not true for most of the people I know in the UK.
We are, by our nature, a very cynical people and social conditioning plays a huge role in shaping our mindset and outlook.
Call it British exceptionalism, the piss-poor weather or a self-deprecating sense of humour masquerading as a personality trait — either way I’ve had enough of it.
There a lots of maxims I have subscribed to over the years that have steered me towards greener pastures as my self-awareness has improved:
- You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.
- Curate your environment to create lasting habits.
- Disappear for six months to work on yourself in private.
- Move your body daily to enhance focus and trigger flow states at work.
- Question “how many hours of work would this cost me?” before each purchase.
- Teach people how you wish to be treated.
The list goes on.
For all the discipline applied and the stacked habits compounded, the moon-shot goals never seemed to arrive.
As winter turns to spring and spring to summer, the welcome distractions of the social calendar tweak our list of priorities and those optimistic resolutions drift into the rear-view mirror of our daily lives.
This year, however, was different.
You can do anything but not everything
The paradox of choice is a dangerous thing indeed. With the world at our fingertips we feel obliged to dive head first into every waking opportunity for fear of missing out on the elusive good life.
When you proactively decline opportunities and strip back your social calendar to its skeleton form, with weekends stretching out in front you, you are struck by a profound realisation.
Time is infinite.
To every parent, carer and shift-worker I apologise, but to everyone else you should be apologising to yourselves.
When we are not bound by social obligation or afflicted by the pandemic of mindless busyness we discover that time is of course still limited, but it is skewered in our favour.
With this in mind it is up to us to decide what we do with that time and where we will split our attention, if at all.
You can do anything, but not everything.
So you had better pick carefully what it is that really matters to you, and leave the rest at the door.
After I wrote my 50 goals for 2023 I ran through it with a marker and eliminated 30 of them.
I ring marked five of the remaining goals that mattered most and until they had been achieved I didn’t bat an eyelid at the other 15.
Self-improvement is the compass, not the destination
The cause of unhappiness for so many people is that their actions do not match those of the person they wish to become.
The problem with New Years resolutions is that the represent an idea version of ourselves who practical day-to-day existence can never be congruent with that of the person who dreamed them into existence.
That is not to say that we should lower our expectations to the floor.
Lofty goals are admirable and steer us in the right direction of where we want our lives to one day be.
They also lead to never-ending dissatisfaction.
I’ve met ripped, six-figure earning, meditating monks who still despise what they see in the mirror because the goal posts just won’t stay still…
When your diffuse the time-frame of your goals to daily actions rather than quarterly metrics or one-time achievements, you begin to surprise yourself.
Instead of applying an unhealthy amount of pressure on yourself you revel in the daily wins that you seem to be hitting time and time again.
This generates more self-respect and emboldens you on whatever it is you do next — without the pressure because you’re already in the green for the day.
I use my black book — not to track daily habits, but to celebrate micro-goals that point towards the person I am proud to be each day rather than the person I want to become one day.
“Comparisons are odious” and absolutes are tedious
Holden Caulfield would have ranted incessantly for at least another 100 pages if he had been fictionalised in the age of instagram and tik tok….
He would have had good reason to.
The lasting impression of the daily reels and stories are so seared into our minds as we close our eyes to go to sleep that it’s no wonder we dream at night of other peoples lives…
Inevitably our goals are shaped on a sub-conscious level by what others seem to be doing and we don’t even realise that they were never our goals and dreams to begin with.
Similarly, the all or nothing approach to our success is also cultivated by a society that polarizes ideas and filters nuance out of existence like X-Pro II.
As the year goes on plans inevitably change, goals evolve and expectations can be thwarted by elements outside of our control.
That doesn’t mean that we are lesser than someone else, nor that we have failed ourselves, but that our goals were only ever a tool for orientation, an approximation for the sort of the life we might like rather than the non-negotiable archetype of the person we had to become.
Freddie Kift
I write about language learning, communication, flow states, conscious travel and navigating the lived experience.
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