So, your ASD / Autism child is starting mainstream school?

Sh1t’s about to get real! Here’s some advice on how to win friends and influence teachers.

I hadn’t planned on covering this just yet, but after my first post, a couple of people have been in touch asking for advice/suggestions on how best to handle the primary school years. I published the details of our “first day” here but in this post I want to share my experiences from the past 7 glorious years of full-time education. I have learned some valuable lessons:

1) Teachers are people too

I PROMISE that the vast majority of teachers would love to have more time to focus on your little one but the education system in this glorious country simply doesn’t allow your child to be their sole priority. Teachers have a job to do and they are required to adhere to safeguarding whilst maintaining clear professional boundaries. Be mindful of this.

2) Communicate. Communicate. Communicate (but don’t be annoying).

You need to adopt the role of “critical friend” and, in time, you become a trusted advisor.

AT THE START OF EVERY SCHOOL YEAR:

• I craft an “introducing me” one-pager that I can share with the teacher (here’s one I made earlier)
• I book a formal appointment to meet new teacher prior to the new school year beginning and discuss the current IEP.
• I take pictures — of the teacher, the TA, the classroom door, the desks, the toilets and use these to form social stories which we review throughout the preceding holiday
• I find out which of his “friends” will be joining the same class and make sure he knows who they are
• I book two formal appointments with the teacher, one for his first day (a light touch 3 minute “how did he do?”) and one for the end of his second week — which is when we review the IEP again and agree what, if any, amendments need to be made.

AS THE YEAR PROGRESSES:

The home/school diary is your friend but use it wisely. It’s a two-way communication tool and should be treated as such. Be sure to pop any relevant notes in there: have they slept well? are they eating? is there a concern they are raising? any changes to routine?

Keep it short though, remember there are at least 25 other kids in the class. Lead by example and encourage — don’t disparage. If the teacher hasn’t had a chance to write anything up for a few days, gentle words work far better than accusatory stares.

As the year progresses I meet every half term with the relevant members of staff — this usually ends up being the Teaching Assistant rather than the lead educator as they are the ones who have the most contact with your child. Be sure to set aside a mutually convenient time. 15 minutes is usually enough.

3) Keep Calm

Lead by example. If you shout or lose your cool with your special one do you get a good response? The same is true of anyone. Educators are — first and foremost — people. Treat them with respect and care.

When the inevitable “incidents” or “concerns” arise, think about what you want to say and how best to express this.

Is standing outside the classroom door on a Friday afternoon demanding to speak to the teacher really the best way?

In my experience a hand-written note using the same positive speech you hope the teacher uses with your child will reap results.

Before writing though: Breathe. Remove the emotion and take a dispassionate view. I often imagine I’m sitting on a jury and consider the situation from every conceivable angle. You want to educate, not alienate. Be clear. Be concise. State your ideal outcome. For me, this is usually “can we get 5 minutes together after school to discuss?”.

4) Everyone is a potential friend

And you can never have too many friends. Teachers, teaching assistants, lunchtime supervisors, the crossing guard, the office staff, the head teacher, the parents. Be approachable.

5) Be pragmatic

My friends often say “He’s lucky to have you fighting his corner”, but I have never looked at it as a fight. It’s more like a journey. He’s a tourist and I’m the guide responsible for showing him the sights, sounds and customs of this foreign land he’s found himself living in.

My aim is to offer practical advice to the school and work in partnership with them to introduce (reasonable) measures that will help my child. Here are just a few things that I’ve introduced over the years. The wonderful thing is that they are easy to implement and EVERY child benefits from them:

1. Encourage teachers to use explicit speech. Specificity really counts. “Tidy up” doesn’t really mean anything, whilst “put your pencils in your pencil case” is easy to understand.
2. Encourage teachers to use positive speech. Tell my child what to “DO”, don’t tell them what “NOT” to do. Eradicate the words “don’t” and “stop” from your vocabulary. Say “walk” not “don’t run”, ask him to “speak quietly” not to “stop shouting”.
3. Explain how a measured and consistent approach will help everyone and how, in addition to the above, use of a moderated voice and the setting of clear boundaries/rules really help!
4. The use of visual timelines — a pictorial view of their day — combined with clear statements in terms of what is currently expected and what will happen next. “NOW we are going to (do maths for 20 minutes) and THEN we will be (going outside for break time)”.

6) Engage external agencies

This will have to be a post in it’s own right!

If you read nothing else, read this:

Shouting at something doesn’t make it go away. Keep cool. Keep calm. Be (as best you can) dispassionate. Be approachable and keep communicating.