The Predicament of the Multi-Passionate Essentialist
Is it even possible to live a focused life as a woman of many interests?
I have just met Shannon, a fellow mother at my son’s school, who I don’t know well. Through a mutual friend, I have been referred for a professional opportunity. And now as we are chatting, while waiting for her colleague to join us, I am seeing her as something else:
A woman of many interests.
A woman much like myself.
She has just told me about her many commitments and projects in the works. Volunteer climate activist. Den leader. Ceramicist. To name a few.
She goes on to tell me that her husband has suggested she might drop at least one or two of said commitments. “But I can’t — I care so much about all of them,” she tells me in so many words.
I can so relate.
“Have you read the book, Essentialism?” I ask.
I can’t count the number of times I have asked this question to friends, family members, coworkers — sometimes mere acquaintances who have just expressed frustrations with their never ending “to do” list.
“I’m reading it now,” she says, and I can see — that like me — she has hope.
I give her a wry grin. “I like to say that I’m a multi-passionate essentialist.”
Before I read, or even heard of, Greg McKeown’s popular book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, I was introduced to the book’s primary concept in a professional capacity.
I was working at a nonprofit organization that underwent an annual planning process. This one year in particular, our then executive director challenged everyone at the org to take a “less with more approach.” Essentially — pun intended — he wanted everyone to take a more focused approach that allowed teams to use more resources towards one specific goal.
Immediately, this idea was met with resistance.
It generally goes without saying that, in the nonprofit sector, success often comes from scrappiness and the ability to stretch resources beyond their limit to achieve as much as possible — including both time and people power.
Intentionally deciding to do less is almost inconceivable.
Years later, when I first heard of McKeown’s book I was intrigued by this notion of choosing to do less in life, with the theory that in doing so one might actually achieve excellence that is otherwise elusive.
In the author’s own words:
“Essentialism is not about how to get things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at your highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.”
I was immediately attracted and excited by this concept the first time I read McKeown’s book — and the many time after. However, each time reading it, I would eventually become frustrated by it — or, more specifically, my seemingly inability to put McKeown’s framework into action.
Despite the book dedicating a whole section to application of theory, I felt destined to fail at applying the concept to my own life.
In fact, there was even a moment in my life in which I basically broke down in tears after attempting to create “buckets of interests and responsibilities” in my life with the goal of narrowing down to five. Ultimately, I was unable to streamline my life in such a way that I found either desirable or realistic.
Fast forward to me listening to the podcast, Creatives Making Money, hosted by Jamie Jensen. Specifically, it was her interview with Lauren Wallett that grabbed my attention.
In the interview, Jamie and Lauren discuss the struggles and even judgements that multi-passionate entrepreneurs — particularly women — often face. They also make a convincing argument for living a multi-passionate life despite the challenge.
I was immediately struck by the term “multi-passionate.” It resonated deeply, and yet, I was still very enticed by the idea of living a life of essentialism.
Is it possible to do both?
The Struggle
As a mother, a wife, sole breadwinner, aspiring entrepreneur, aspiring writer, homeowner, pet-owner, 40+ woman (whose body needs more maintenance than ever), etc. etc. it can feel downright impossible to narrow down the responsibilities, passions, commitments of my life.
Even within those above mentioned categories, I had multiple ideas of paths I could take:
To write women’s fiction or children’s book?
To launch a business for mothers or for nonprofit organizations?
To exercise or to meditate?
To sleep or to create?
Just the idea of making decisions can feel like an obstacle, not to mention the total depletion of mental bandwidth I’ve experienced countless times when finally faced with a “free” moment to be creative only to have a total energy void.
What’s a woman to do who wants to bring more clarity and streamlined focus into her life, but who also wants to live this one and only life to the fullest — and have no regrets when faced with the end?
(Not to be overly dramatic or anything.)
Is it even possible to be a Multi-Passionate Essentialist?
Isn’t it an oxymoron by its very nature? And, yet, am I not living proof that it’s possible to at least strive to be a person of many interests and have focus?
I have to believe I’m not the only one — and my short conversation with Shannon makes me believe that I’m not.
It’s my theory that mothers — particularly those with interests and aspirations beyond their children, and those who have financial obligations and responsibilities to boot — who struggle with a multitude of dreams and commitments in the face of overwhelm and exhaustion.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. But I’m learning.
What I’ve Learned So Far:
1 — Take the Long View
I recently heard an interview with Cheryl Strayed that was the balming advice I desperately needed. In so many words, she said that it’s okay to live in the “slow lane” when holding multiple responsibilities and passions in your life (family, creativity, etc.). It’s not a race and even incremental progress is progress.
2 — Prioritization vs Elimination
I previously wrote a more in depth article about the notion of “having it all” and rather the importance of liking your life to a pie (graph not dessert) that will sometimes look different, depending on the phase of your life.
In this case, there might be projects or passions that you can’t focus on now, but that doesn’t mean they won’t become a priority one day. Again — not never, just not right now.
3 — Thimbles vs Buckets
When grouping interests, I have come to realize that it’s okay to be broad in my thinking, as opposed to being ultra specific. As opposed to trying to make everything fit into a thimble, why not use a bucket instead?
Professionally, this has worked for me by taking a focus on nonprofit development that allows me to dabble in multiple issues of my choosing (i.e. environment, equality, education). Creatively, I am writing both fiction for adults and children.
4 — Bundle Your Interests and Responsibilities
I love it when I have the opportunity to combine my passions in a “twofer” — as in a two-for-one — or even better, a threefer:
Take a walk…with my dog…while listening to a podcast about writing.
Write a book…for my kids…that focuses on the environment.
Work with a non-profit on strategy and development…that has a focus on women’s equality and representation.
The idea is not to cheat the system and do everything, but to also give yourself wiggle room to accommodate your whole self.
5 — Become Highly Efficient on “Must Dos”
Let’s face it. In life there will always be responsibilities that must get done, regardless of passion or any desire to take them on. Unless you are independently wealthy and have the ability to hire out for these tasks, you will need to find time to incorporate them into your schedule.
While I still have vast room for improvement, I have managed to become more efficient in some ways:
In order to do the grocery shopping once a week and once a week only, I am a devout meal planner. I have honed my system for over ten years, and as a result I am able to minimize the number of times I go to the store and eliminate daily decision making about what to cook for dinner. (There’s nothing worse than trying to decide what to eat for dinner, when you’re already hungry and discover a lack of ingredients in the fridge!)
For four-plus years now, I have been my family’s sole breadwinner as an independent consultant. The number one benefit of working for myself is that I have autonomy over my schedule. So long as I work efficiently and with focus, I rarely work a 40-hour week, thus freeing up time for my other passions and commitments.
These are just a couple of examples that work in my life — and I’m sure there are many more to discover!
6 — Get Clear on What you Want (To Do/To Be)
Yes, I have many interests an life dreams for myself, but there are also multiple avenues that do nothing to stir my heart strings. And yet, I have found myself on multiple occasions saying “yes” to what I then perceived as an easy opportunity, usually because it was offered to me and I didn’t have to “go after it” the way I might with something else that I cared more about. (Plus, I was less vulnerable to failure it didn’t work out.)
And, yet, every time I say yes to one of these “easy” opportunities, I find myself with less time for the projects I care about and frustrated because I am nowhere closer to achieving my goals or dreams.
It’s a work in progress, but these days I am doing my best to only commit to opportunities that advance my priority passions and goals.
In conclusion.
I’m still refining my existence as an MPE (as I’ve come to call it), knowing that it won’t happen overnight. And most likely, I will have days…weeks…even years when I feel like I am better at it than others.
The truth is, that to be human it to be messy. We have the ability to keep evolving and improving with time.
For me, becoming a Multi-Passionate Essentialist is a journey — one that brings new solutions and methods to try on a daily basis, even if I never reach that “perfect” destination.
I am hopeful that it is possible to find the right blend of focus and fulfillment, and to always keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be a choice of “never” but rather “not now.”
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