The X-Files: Agents Sassy and Spooky, Reporting for Duty
Season 11, Episode 2
Okay, we all got through yet another agonizing installment of “My Struggle.” Barely, but we did. Now onto the good stuff.
If you need a refresher on the season 11 premiere or were too wary to even watch, check out my thoughts here.
The Wig Files
Here I will check in on Gillian Anderson’s Scully wig and see how it’s doing. Her season 10 wig was lackluster, but based on promos and behind the scenes photos, the season 11 wigs seem to be much better.
Looking good. Definitely has more movement than last season’s and the color is better. I think it’s the same wig from the last episode. 8/10, no complaints.
Shipper Moment
A good 50% of The X-Files is wondering when Mulder and Scully will finally kiss and make-up. The show’s creator, Chris Carter, is notorious for insisting that despite having a child together and sharing a few on-screen kisses, Mulder and Scully are platonic. Obviously he’s wrong. This section will track the progress made on the MSR (Mulder Scully Relationship) front.
The episode opens with Mulder and Scully asleep on the couch in front of the TV. So domestic and so CUTE. You know the main couple in your favorite show has been tortured too much when fans crave scenes of them doing the mundane.
Of course, the peace doesn’t last long, but before all hell breaks loose, Mulder says “go” to Scully, which makes me think they have a plan in place for shit this like, which is double CUTE. While it’s not confirmed (and knowing the showrunner, never will be) that Mulder and Scully are living together again, Scully does tell Skinner that they can’t get into their home. So in my mind, they moved back in together. We’ll never get real answers, so I’m creating a few of my own.
The cutest thing was when a half-asleep Scully got startled by beers getting set down on their table and almost whipped out a gun. Prompting Mulder to reel her in and then remark on how cute she is: “Scully you looked so adorbs just there. All curled up in a ball, in the booth of a skanky bar, your hands wrapped around the grip of an assassin’s glock…”
Mulder thinks his platonic partner/soulmate is adorbs, even on little sleep and acting a little crazy, so jot that down. You know I did.
Best Line or Exchange of the Episode
Depending on who wrote it, an episode of The X-Files can contain quite a few gems. The 10 seasons and 2 movies we’ve had before this point have given us iconic one-liners like “Mushrooms taste great on burgers, Mulder, but they don’t raise the dead,” and “Please explain to be the scientific nature of a whammy.” What does season 11 have in store?
Mulder and Scully share a hilarious exchange over a muffin in an internet cafe. Yeah, an internet cafe. No way those still exist:
Mulder: “I need to find out why this muffin is so freakin’ good.”
Scully: “I don’t care if it came out of an alien’s butt, I’m gonna eat the whole thing.”
And then, these two dorks can’t even be chill when sneaking into an NSA facility. Scully pretends Mulder is a prisoner and insists he can’t be uncuffed: “I’m not uncuffing him. This guy is like, Hannibal Lecter-level psycho.” *cue creepy licking noises from Mulder*
Monster Mash
How does this week’s monster square up against the rest of X-Files canon? Mulder and Scully have seen some wild creatures over the years, from the Flukeman to clones to evil dolls. Season 10 didn’t have any strong monsters, so hopefully season 11 will rectify that.
I guess the Syndicate is the antagonist of the week? The whole computer-simulated world was pretty weakly constructed and basically a rip off of “San Junipero.” Except not as happy. Or gay. Or well-constructed (proof that anything you can do, Black Mirror can probably do better). Langly tells Mulder that he’s living in heaven, but wants it destroyed. Everyone in the simulation is being used for their brains; they have no autonomy. Honestly, if this was achievable, I wouldn’t be surprised if the government did it.
Last week the Syndicate was into colonizing the moon, this week they’re trafficking in eternal life through brain simulation? Pick a cause, y’all. If you focus on one thing it will be better, trust me. The whole thing is so lazy — even when Syndicate Lady is explaining it, she sounds like she’s making it up as she goes along. She says that they can take a piece of a person’s mind through a smartphone which sounds fake, but okay. Whatever you say.
The Bat-Crap Crazy Corner
This section will track the craziest thing Mulder reveals his belief in this week — and the dude believes in almost anything, no matter how many times Scully rolls her eyes.
Mulder feigned belief into the computer simulation world, but only to get Syndicate Lady’s attention. Oh wait, she has a name: Erica Price. Anyway, I think he knows it’s BS and was just trying to distract her.
Oh, and he wants to open an X-File on a bran muffin. Bran?! That’s the grossest type of muffin. C’mon, dude. If you’re gonna open an X-File on food, maybe Domino’s Oreo Dessert Pizza (yes, it’s real) or the pink sauce at my favorite Puerto Rican restaurant that I cannot, for the life of me, identify.
William Dollar Baby
In each episode, I will keep track of how many times William is alluded to and if we learn anything of value about him. Rumor (and casting calls) has it he will make an appearance, so it’s gonna be a wild ride.
He actually wasn’t mentioned this week! But since last week was William 24/7, it makes sense that there would be a break.
Basement Analysis
I’m just gonna rant and overanalyze like Mulder does down in the basement.
An actual good episode of The X-Files revival! Who knew these existed! Well, they do when written and directed by Glen Morgan, the man who gave us “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space,” “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose,” and “War of the Coprophages.”
Seriously though, this was better than most of the other episodes in seasons 10 & 11. Was it perfect? No. Half of this episode was so darkly lit, you’d think the crew was being cheap and didn’t wanna spring for a lighting set. If Scully is gonna slide under a table like a badass, I want that shot WELL LIT.
The critics promised after last week it would get better and it did. This episode had everything: good ol’ fashioned Mulder and Scully teamwork, sexual innuendos, action scenes and the actual correct use of modern technology. It really did feel like an episode from the original series, just modernized. I would give it a B-, but last week was maybe a D-, so that’s not bad. There actually was an episode in season 1 or 2 about a killer computer, but I digress.
Sketchy Skinner
Yo, wtf Skin man? First, he tells Scully to surrender to the dudes trying to shoot up their house, then when he meets them in the woods he’s all “oh I didn’t know they wanted to kill you” and acts like it’s dangerous for him to be seen with them, but he’s wearing his FBI baseball cap. How is this guy an intelligence agent? Then later, he shows Mulder and Scully that the X-Files are not digital, which no one told them when they got re-opened.
Sassy Scully
Scully did not come to play this week. Maybe it was because they were on the run and low on sleep, but she was not trying to play nice or act chill. She devoured a muffin she would’ve eaten regardless of whose ass it came out of, then sasses Mulder when he says he needs to get to an X-File. Later, during a bus ride, she almost loses her shit at some annoying kids. 2018 Scully does not have time for your bullshit.
It’s also pretty funny that she seems to know tons of shit off the top of her head, like when U.S. presidents died. I bet she kicks ass at Trivial Pursuit.
Scully also flirts her way into an NSA facility with minimal effort. Like, all she has to do is wink (not even a sexy wink, it was pretty goofy) and the dude is all “Oh yeah no worries maybe you’ll repay the favor.” And then later, he tries to hit her with the “What are you doing after this?” and she tosses out, “Sorry bro, married to the bureau.” Shut. Down!!
We’re All Adults Here
Quite a few sexual innuendos went flying this week — Frohike’s “spank bank” folder, Mulder implying that everyone dreams about him, and then this gem that we saw coming from a promo:
Scully: “Why do you operate so well with your hands cuffed behind your back?”
Mulder: “As if you didn’t know.”
So are we insinuating that Mulder and Scully are into bondage? I can get down with that.
