Bogan Bible — Matthew 6:1–4
The Book of Matthew (Q)
Giving to the Needy
1 “Don’t be a dickhead and wave around your cash, if you have any, when in the vicinity of the less fortunate. You have to be a real dropkick, to gloat. Fuck me dead.
2 “And don’t do what some people do and post a picture of you giving a banana or some coins to a homeless person. How desperate for likes are you? Do it without any announcement, and my Dad will like ya more. In fact, you might get the condo in Heaven. Kidding. Everyone gets a condo.
3 But when you give to the poor bastards, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4 so that your giving may be in secret, without the motivation for social currency. Then my Dad will reward you. Sometime down the track. Be patient. Surely you can have the patience to wait for a good that will last you eternity.
Matt Querzoli is re-writing the Book of Matthew into the bogan Book of Matthew (Q). Today he has rewritten Giving to the Needy. Follow him or his randy publication if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.
