Convoluted Compliments #21
The Swear Words
It’s not that you have sworn off swearing, or swear like a sailor on any given day, but you have the canny ability to be able to choose the perfect time to inject a swear word into conversation.
It’s a subtle art, really, and one you have refined after years of either over or under-swearing. You have trawled through the dregs of human conversation, caught off-handed cusses and crawled through Urban Dictionary to amass an arsenal of expletives that you are able to conjure up at a moment’s notice — and yet, you refrain.
You think clearly, listening to that often ignored voice in your head and, taking its advice, unleash your oaths with a precision not seen since the pyramids were constructed. Mathematical accuracy. Calculated curses.
You blaze through wedding speeches, failing to offend any party on the receiving end, including the incredibly mean grandmothers from another age who are sensitive to these sorts of liberal uses of imprecations (when they were of course still known widely as imprecations). Moreso, funerals, dropping the sly “Shit” to round out a moving eulogy to a good friend. Board meetings, Tinder dates, coffee orders to the overworked barista in the morning, even child friendly ones when caring for your young niece and nephew.
You are the swear word king. A fucking champion.
Matt Querzoli is offering up his compliments for use by the general public. The general public is welcome. Follow him or his randy publication if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.
