#OPINION | For Men, By Men: How Women Are “Valued” in a Patriarchal Society
By Victoria Albitos and Jersey Gutierrez
Content Warning: This article contains information regarding rape and sexual abuse, including its effects on victims such as depression and suicide.
The influence of religion
The Philippines is a predominantly Roman Catholic country. Religion influences almost all parts of our society, sometimes influencing even our laws and lawmakers despite the concept of separation of church and state. Our beliefs ground us, but at the same time, might also limit us.
In our deeply religious society, women’s honor is always fussed over, with their worth often equated to their virginity. But being a virgin doesn’t necessarily mean being held in high esteem: even virgins are called every name you can imagine, from pure to prude and everything in between.
But why should it be the world’s business to know if a woman has made the choice to have sex or not? It is her choice, and her choice only. Women should not have to go through being shamed for what they have done, or what they want to do.
Traditionally, the concept of virginity is valued by Christians, most notably Catholics; even small children are taught that premarital sex is a sin. Virginity or purity is framed as “the best gift” that a bride could ever give her husband. While staying a virgin for your future partner is absolutely a choice that should be respected, the concept has and will pave the way for a person to start objectifying women. By placing her value at only that of her “virginity,” a woman becomes just another object, another prize for a man to claim.
This is how women are objectified. This is how women are reduced to merely their reproductive organs — no longer seen as a person, but as a thing to be desired and defiled. All too often, it becomes a race to be the first to have a woman’s body. But a woman is not something to be taken.
Despite our religious culture, proof of sexual abuse and harassment at the hands of church authorities can be found just by reading old texts; even national hero Jose Rizal’s two most famous works contain these. In Noli Me Tangere, Doña Pia Alba was raped by Padre Damaso, leading to her depression and death. In El Filibusterismo, Juli was raped by Padre Camorra so she ended her life later on. The two women only wanted to seek advice from their parish priest, but were taken advantage of instead.
Things like these have been occurring since Rizal’s time, tainting our culture when it shouldn’t be. Generation after generation, these incidents have been the elephant in the room: a problem that no one wants to talk about.
Unfortunately, these were not only born from the writer’s mind. Sexual abuse perpetrated by members of the clergy is not unheard of, even in the real world. In 2017, a 15-year-old girl was sexually assaulted by their village priest. After reporting the incident to the police, her family beat her up, telling her what she did was wrong. She claimed that she was paid by the people at the church to drop the charges against the accused, so it never reached the court.
The priests who are supposed to connect people with God can be the same people that violate His creations. Just like in the 2017 incident, rape victims are sometimes paid to stop filing a case against the accused. They’re given something they need to live in exchange for justice and their peace.
Silenced victims
Instead of directly addressing our problems of sexual harassment and rape, our society tends to bury them. According to a 2017 CNN article, one person, usually a woman or young girl, is raped every hour in the Philippines. And in our current situation, with most of us under community quarantine due to COVID-19, these numbers have gone up as victims of domestic abuse around the world are trapped in their homes with their abusers.
Many women are pressured and harassed into staying silent about their experiences. And many women who do report their harassers end up being asked invasive and harassive questions. They are often shot down and told to shut up. Just by observing our society, one can see that people are more willing to believe a man claiming he has been falsely accused of being a harasser than they are willing to believe a woman calling out her harasser.
Some victims tend to not report or even speak about their experience soon because of the trauma of being violated. Sexual violence leaves physical, psychological, and emotional scars. A victim may battle flashbacks, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), rape trauma syndrome (RTS), or other effects stemming from their experience, making it even harder to come forward. Combined with our outdated statistics and information, especially on violence against women, it is unlikely that we will ever really know just how many Filipinos fall victim to sexual harassment and violence.
Even little children are victims of sexual harassment, and even victim blaming. Take once again the case of Ben Tulfo. A netizen commented on one of his posts disagreeing with Frankie Pangilinan and #HijaAko, saying that even infants get raped; did they try to catch the rapist’s attention, then? Tulfo then shifted the blame to the parents of the infant, replying, “Where were the parents? How did it happened [sic] that the child was raped. Whose fault? The parent or the criminal….It’s all about prevention not solution.”
At this point, everyone should know that prevention over solution should no longer be the argument. The choice to abuse and harass another person will always be the harasser’s, not the victim’s. The most plausible solution to stop all of this from happening is to teach children from a young age about consent and respect. It can be taught without mentioning abuse and rape if mentioning those words are what parents fear. Some educators’ resources provide ways to teach children from a young age about consent. As one guide says, “Consent isn’t the absence of a no but the presence of a yes.”
The privilege of a man is the struggle of a woman
Sexual harassment and violence should no longer be treated as something that cannot be controlled. No matter how many women speak up, a significant change wouldn’t be possible if men do not start to change.
People fail to recognize the true nature of the crime, invalidating the struggles that victims face. Women live in fear everyday, not knowing what could happen to them if they weren’t more aware of their surroundings. It’s always “Don’t go home when it’s dark, don’t drink a lot especially around the presence of men, don’t wear revealing clothes,” and the list goes on.
Women are taught many things just to avoid getting raped, while men go far beyond crossing the line, even having the audacity to make rape jokes. Joking about something means that the thought is already in your head. So what stops men from making those ideas actually happen?
Instead of making pointless arguments, men could be told two words: “Don’t rape.” They are privileged enough that they don’t have to be as cautious and attentive as women should be anywhere they go. Is it too difficult for men to understand? Or do they choose to shut out these arguments since they were the ones to dictate that the role of a woman is to simply obey man’s orders?
Society treats women as mere objects to satisfy men’s needs. Women have to work their way up to earn acceptance, while men on the other hand always hold power over women.
Anytime a woman speaks up, a man never fails to shame or blame her. An ideal woman is taught to be modest, prim and proper, feminine, pure, and more. In our culture, it is ideal for a woman to act like Maria Clara. Her character exemplified the feminine stereotype in Filipinas that lives until this day.
Men do not belittle women for being fragile, they do so because they fear women. They are fragile beings who fear that one day, women will be seen on the same level as them, or even higher.
Victim blaming is embedded in our culture, when it shouldn’t even exist. It is our duty to speak up against it and educate people that rape wouldn’t happen if there were no rapists in the first place. Anyone can be a victim, and anyone can be a harasser, too. Chances are, you or someone you know have heard of someone with a sexual harassment story.
Men are frightened when their awful actions are revealed to the public, showing their privilege when they don’t even consider the consequences of their actions. It’s even possible that they were unaware that they made a huge mistake, only realizing when people are willing to let it slide. While they get momentary satisfaction from their crimes, their victims will carry the trauma for life. There are no excuses for this — rape is rape.
Tolerating the unforgivable actions of male rapists towards their female victims also works to widen the gap between them, cementing men in traditional positions of power rooted in the patriarchy, and forcibly assigning women the role of subservient partners, in a far lower standing than men.
The gap between men and women not only affects women, but also makes it more difficult for male victims to come forward about their experiences of sexual harassment and violence. Often, harmful stereotypes such as being weak, gay (also harming the LGBT+ community), or woman-like (also harming women) are associated with male rape victims, creating a stigma around them that’s hard to break. Taking those into consideration, one can clearly see that sexual harassment and the system of oppression it perpetuates not only harms the victims themselves, but also those around them.
It is never too late to educate yourself, and the people around you. Speak up, fight for and fight with victims that are unable to fight for themselves. Fight for yourself as well. Use your voice to empower the voiceless. One voice may seem like it won’t contribute much, but the impact of many voices can make a significant difference.
But it couldn’t end that way. It wouldn’t end with just speaking up. Action must be taken to stop harassment. Men, hear us out and use your privilege to put an end to this toxic culture.
Disclaimer: This article is the second of a two-part series. Read the first part of For Men, By Men here.
