An Introvert in New York
All names in this blog have been changed to preserve identities
My past blogs have been more informational with some anecdotes sprinkled in, but this week you’ll get to hear an entirely personal experience. The past Saturday, I realized the negative parts of introversion and how it had affected my trip to the most populated city in America.
My school had planned a expedition to New York. My two friends, JJ and Hugh, and I were excited and had laid out the plans: Top of the Rock in Rockefeller Center, Nintendo World nearby, LINE FRIENDS in Times Square and any bar we could frequent since we’re all above 21. It was my final semester and Hugh was graduating in spring, so we wanted to make longstanding memories on our final school trip together. Well, we did, but maybe not in a good way.
Before the Trip
The Wednesday before the outing, Rose (an extrovert who starred in one of my past blogs) approached me for a favor: Look after a freshman who was also attending the expedition.
Our school had a program where upperclassmen were mentors who would help incoming freshmen adjust to a college campus. Rose was a mentor and one of her mentees was named Jenny. The freshman decided to go on the New York trip to make friends. Rose couldn’t accompany her, so she asked me if Jenny can tag along with my group.
I wasn’t keen on the idea because I just wanted to spend the day with my friends. Furthermore, I didn’t understand why she’s pushing this stranger last minute on a group of introverts. Adding a stranger to that group usually leads to small talk, which introverts don’t really like and the entire conversation will be awkward. In some cases, forcing socialization on introverts will not turn out well for anyone involved.
Rose told me she understood my reluctance. However, she still wanted us to introduce ourselves to Jenny because, well, she already told her about us. I figured I could do just that, but nothing more.
During the Trip
That morning, JJ, Hugh and I gathered with the others waiting for the bus to New York. A timid girl came to us and introduced herself as Jenny. She told us Rose said she could tag along with us.
Cue looks between me and Hugh. JJ had a polite but tight smile on her face.
After checking out Top of the Rock, the group set off to find food with one extra member: Ash. He was a nice guy with whom I had several classes, but he wasn’t exactly a friend and he didn’t even ask to join us. Hugh barely knew him any better, and JJ not at all. After being forced to socialize with two strangers, I felt my anxiety rise, and I wonder if JJ and Hugh felt the same way.
At some point during the day, I realized I left something important at the restaurant. I dashed off before anyone could insist on joining me, and I paced through New York all by myself. I figured it would be okay because it would give me time to recharge from interacting with strangers the entire morning. Besides, I live near a city and I enjoy walking through there all the time.
However, I had a revelation after crossing several streets in New York: I can never live here. New York is an entirely different experience from the city I’m used to back home. There’s so much noise, bright lights and people. Even though I was alone, I was still overwhelmed because of the bustling environment. As I continued wading through the crowds, I felt my nerves grow more and more frayed. I kept thinking, “I really want to go home.” Unfortunately, home is hours away by bus.
The restaurant was closed and wouldn’t open until dinner time. Hugh texted me they were at a location a half-hour away. That meant I would have to endure more crowds, more noise, more flashing signs and more stress. When I entered their location — Grand Central Terminal — I could feel pressure bubbling up inside me as I swerved around large masses of people taking photos.
By the time I met up with my group again, I was ready to break — and I did. I snapped it was a waste of time coming here, I should’ve stayed near the restaurant and I was going to waste another half-hour walking through boisterous New York just to get back there and obtain my lost item.
Looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t start crying. The forced socialization with Jenny and Ash combined with New York’s overwhelming setting was too much for me, and I was having a mental burnout.
Eventually I did recover my belongings and I apologized to everyone for blowing up, but I was still feeling drained by the time the bus left at 7:00 pm. It’s not surprising since I spent an entire day with some people I don’t know in a bustling location. It was a tiring day, and the only thing I wanted to do was go home.
After the Trip
I was feeling bad about my attitude on the quiet bus ride home. Poor Jenny just wanted to make friends and Ash just wanted to tag along with a group, but I, nor my friends, had let them into our circle. JJ, Hugh and I were cordial, but there was an invisible barrier between us and them. One negative trait for introverts is we can be indifferent towards people with whom we don’t have a personal connection, and it wasn’t fair to quietly exclude Jenny and Ash. I texted Jenny afterwards asking if she had fun, and she did, so that was a small comfort.
For about a week afterwards, I suffered from an introvert hangover. I was more irritable and less willing to tolerate huge crowds. A lot of my time was spent away from people, including my friends. I just needed to recover from New York. Eventually, I did, and now I can share my story with all of you.
