An Introvert’s Guide to Making Friends in College
In a past blog, I’ve defined introversion using the five W’s (Who, what, when, where, why and how). Yet, I have not covered a “how” question when it comes to the subject. The reason is because it deserves its own post to analyze the answers of “How does an introvert make friends?” This is particularly important in college because students are in entirely new setting surrounded by strangers. When we’re bogged down with homework and stress, we can definitely use a support system — even if it’s just one friend.
Most of my college friends are introverts, so I asked them that question.
From my friends’ answers, the best ways for an introvert to make friends in college is through projects, clubs, extroverts and the internet. We’ll examine all of these options and learn another important lesson introverts need to learn in creating friendships: Take the first step.
Engage in Projects
According to Apple co-founder, Steve Wozniak, most introverts prefer to work alone.
Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me — they’re shy and they live in their heads. They’re almost like artists. In fact, the very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone — best outside of corporate environments, best where they can control an invention’s design without a lot of people designing it for marketing or some other committee.
In college, however, students are inevitably going to be to put in group projects whether your partners are decided by you or your teacher. Either way, unless you already have friends in that class, you’re going to working with a company of strangers.
Being forced to talk to and cooperate with people you don’t know sounds like an awful situation, but this could be a positive note for an introvert. Everyone in that group is striving towards achieving the same goal of excelling (or just passing) the project, so it’s something you can bond over. Ideally, as you work together, you’ll become more comfortable to talk outside of the classroom.
Once the task is complete, you and your partners might go your separate ways or you’ll actually become friends. Regardless, class projects can be an effective way to get to know people.
Join a Club
One of the ways people become friends is through similar interests, and clubs are full of individuals that like same hobby you do. One defining traits of an introvert is they avoid small talk, but in a school club with a common activity, it’s easier to have genuine discussions with other members.
When I was a member of my school’s book club, I was surrounded by fellow introverts. This actually encouraged me to take the lead in discussions, and eventually everyone would warm up to each other as we reviewed the book of the month.
Be Friends With an Extrovert
This has been discussed in my blog post, “The Pros and Cons of Being Friends With an Extrovert,” but it’s a concept still worth revisiting. One of the best ways for an introvert to make friends is through other friends. A lot of extroverts are friendly and inclusive, so some of their friends would also be introverts. I met the majority of my best friends in college through my extroverted friend, and all but one were also introverts. For that, I’m always grateful to that pal.
Find Them Online
The internet is a vast area where you can do almost anything — including making friends. You can get involved in discussions and games with anyone around the world, and you don’t even have to reveal your identity. Not to mention, if the chatting gets too long and awkward, you can just step away from the electronics.
Keep in mind, however, an introvert is still an introvert even if the conversation is online. The anonymity means less chance of being judged and it enables us to show more of our true personality. It will still take time before we can officially call you a friend. In social media, we’re more particular with accepting friend requests because we only want the ones with whom we actually have personal connections.
Take the First Step
This a lesson applying to everyone, but introverts should hear this because our reluctance to engage with others will be detrimental to forming friendships. It’s terrifying if you’re shy and bothersome if you’re introverted, but approaching people is the most important step towards receiving that companionship.
About two year ago, I saw a girl sitting by herself with her laptop. She had a sticker of a show I enjoyed, so I went up to her and complimented it. At first, she looked bewildered and wary — the exact emotions any introvert would feel if a stranger came up to you. Once we got past the stiff introductions and small talk, we realized we had a lot in common. As of this writing, she’s one of my best friends.
There are numerous methods to making friends in college. Regardless of whether you identify as an introvert, extrovert or in-between, the most important way to make a friend is to take the first step. It can be a tougher process for introverts since we take a lot of time to warm up to someone, but it’s important to just try. Everyone needs at least someone they can to and laugh with in the stressful years of college.
