I Was a Pick-Me Girl; Now I’m Fighting Men in Comment Sections
What happened? Self-esteem happened
Once upon a time, male approval was the single most important thing in my life.
I lived for the dopamine hit I’d get when a man paid attention to me. It was the only thing that consistently broke through my dissociative disorder and made me feel alive. As a result, I fancied myself a tomboy, hung out with predominantly guys, and tried my absolute hardest to be “chill” — not like most females.
I was the very definition of a pick-me girl.
Now, in my early 30s, I’m writing feminist articles about how witches kept disembodied penises as pets and publicly arguing with men who feel the need to voice their ignorant, chauvinistic ramblings in my comments sections.
So what happened?
Intensive trauma therapy happened.
When I first started a form of trauma therapy called EMDR, I had no idea how deep my self-abandonment went. I just knew I felt numb—totally disconnected from my body and emotions — and because of it, I couldn’t have a healthy romantic relationship to save my life.
Then a bouncing, glowing square thawed the fight-or-flight memories frozen in my amygdala, and I felt human for the…
