I Thought Abstinence Was Easy
And it was: for me
Growing up in the evangelical church, I couldn’t understand why they had to keep telling us to flee from sexual immorality. A boy and girl were not allowed to be alone together, or even touch in public. Anyone else remember the six-inch rule? We were told this could lead to uncontrollable desire for sexual intercourse.
I listened and frowned, puzzled. Abstaining from sex was easy. Just don’t do it. Piece of cake.
I wondered when and how that uncontrollable desire appeared. It baffled me.
I never had any interest in sex with anyone I met until I had known my now-husband for quite some time. I recently learned that I am demisexual, which is an orientation on the asexual spectrum. My bewilderment with the idea that overpowering sexual desire could magically appear makes so much sense now.
For me, sexual desire grew slowly as I grew to know him. I was never sexually attracted to anyone, and I doubt I ever will be. I can imagine sexual attraction: in my mind it is a sudden rush of sexual desire triggered by simply looking at a stranger.
But that’s not at all how anything works for me. I am attracted to kind eyes, a good sense of humour, intelligence, compassion, and a love of geeky things. Then, once we’ve been good friends for a few years, I might develop sexual desire.
Abstinence was easy for me, and probably still would be if I tried to do it again.
