Magic: The Gathering
Magical Thinking: Rivals of Ixalan
Welcome back to Magical Thinking, a look back at the cards, art and history of Magic: the Gathering, set by set, from the beginning. All through the eyes of a casual fan. This week we get back to our regularly scheduled programming after our surprise detour to Bablovia. Yes, we’re going back to Ixalan for the Janurary 2018 set Rivals of Ixalan.
The legendary city of Orazca has been uncovered, and now everyone is out to get a piece, warring over control of the mythical city and its amazing mystical power. However at the last second, everyone’s favorite piece of crap Tezzeret sweeps in and steals the big prize for Nicol Bolas! What is Bolas planning? Who will earn the city’s favor? Let’s find out.
Hey, here’s a change of pace. Adinosaur finds someone else’s fossil.
Maybe they should send the vampire conquistadors out with a little blood bag they can pop like a Capri Sun. It can help with the being hungry.
I’m not gonna lie, the vampires going up against sun worshipers who wield sun magic was a bit of a mismatch. This is not going well for them. And that’s before you factor in the dinosaurs.
Just a reminder: this setting has dinosaurs. Which, along with the pirates and vampires, makes Ixalan the most awesome setting in Magic thus far.
Ascend is the new mechanic for this set. Basically if you have ten or more permanents, you have the city’s blessing, which gives your cards extra effects. So basically the game is a race to see who can get the blessing first (multiple players can have it, but whoever gets it first gets a major advantage).
Oh, they killed the dinosaur. I’m sad now.
OH, BUT THE DINOS ARE COMING BACK STRONG, BABY! I love the implication here that this dino is gonna have like fifty vampires crammed in his cheeks like he’s a giant squirrel or something.
“AND STAY OUT.”
Amazing that the sewer system functions after all this time though. Yever know when you need to flush something.
And hey, it helped restore Jace’s memory. That’s a bonus.
I had to look this up because it seemed like Jace was doing something sketchy, but as it turns out Jace is erasing memories of his presence there from Vraska’s memory to be restored later so they can put one over on Bolas. Vraska is totally down with this, so its all good.
It’s enough to make you want to break out into a sea shanty.
It’s weird I haven’t made a “Road to El Dorado” joke yet. Ah well.
I feel like if you have the power to mess with time you’d have better uses for it than to be a pirate. That’s the power of a god right there. Ah well, I guess it’s tough to be a god (GET ER DONE!!!).
I always love these vanilla creatures because they usually come with the best flavor text. How can I top that? Also, that lizard has six legs, which is neat.
I expected some rum with that chest. Also, I really like the flavor here since you are basically looting your opponent’s creature’s corpse for goodies.
What’s a little plundering between friends?
Man, if that was Renfield from Dracula he’d be like “Bring on the rats! I am excited by this sudden turn of events.”
And here is Vraska sending the Eternal Sun to Bolas. What’s he gonna do with it? We’ll find out soon.
It may be the skeletons, but I’m finding that big treasure chest a little suspicious. Also, that vampire does not seem to have a face.
Eh, that’s probably fine. The sun turns red all the time right?…It doesn’t? Well, nevermind. I guess they’re all fucked.
At last, the everlasting gobstopper is MINE. Slugworth will pay a fortune for this.
What’s better than a dinosaur? A dinosaur that has been struck by lightning. It’s like the designers reached into my six year old brain, pulled out the choice bits, and made them into cards.
Yeah, because doing this never backfires ever. Seriously, magic users, stop turning into things. Although I think the fight with Bolas would have gone different if Chandra could turn into a T Rex.
Oh, I thought that said “Crazed Raptor”. I was about to say it didn’t look all that crazed, but no, it’s Orazca. My bad.
Aw, Acereak got himself a little helper monkey.
Well, technically goblin (Ixalan goblins look like monkeys, remember). Still it’s adorably horrifying.
This is the most impressive Shatter I’ve seen in a while, not since the one that literally killed the Tin Man.
“Me and my fish tail hair are furious. FURIOUS I SAY.”
Seriously though, that guy looks ridiculous. It would be like having tiny pairs of legs on your face.
That is pretty colossal, but it should be better than a 6/6.
Okay, this merfolk is way better looking. The lack of tiny fish tails on their face helps with that.
That must be the dinosaur equivalent of stepping on a Lego. If so, then “ouch”.
For a second I thought this was “troubleshoot dryad” which is an entirely different type of creature. Like the troubleshoot dryad is who you call when you get locked out of your computer.
It’s the return of our favorite minotaur pirate! On an epic quest to find some salve. Because those burning red hands? They hurt.
Oh hey, this guy is here. Azor is the founder of the Azorius Senate on Ravnica. AKA the obstructive bureaucrats who make everything terrible. He also made the Immortal Sun. Jace puts him in his place, making him now my second favorite planeswalker.
This is Elenda, the founder of that whole vampire conquistador faction. She’s been chilling in the city this whole time, and as it turns out she’s really nice and is super pissed off the Legion became a bunch of colonial jackasses. But now she’s back and preaching to them to learn humility, so that’s cool.
And here is Huatli, who I instantly like better than Sarkhan because, while she loves dinosaurs, she never messed up an entire world’s timeline over them.
Yeah, we have more cards that turn into lands. Path of Mettle I like the flavor of; you have to be a badass to get through the trials, and if you do you get to the big tower and the treasure inside.
It’s a three headed T Rex. I think we lapped ourselves on the awesome. JUST LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL THING. I wish I owned a van so I could spray paint that on the side. I would steal a van for that purpose.
Okay, Ali Baba? She’s all yours. Go nuts, my dude. You earned it.
It’s either an artifact of incredible magical power, or a very elaborate bong. Same thing really.
And on that note, we bid adieu to Ixalan. Next time on Magical Thinking, we take a trip to the past, back to where it all began. That’s right, next week we return to Dominaria. But until then, Stay Magical.
