Catch The Flight & The Feelings
Why flying away from your problems makes you harder to love
We’ve all seen these posts on Instagram, and hell you may even be one of the ones that share them! Usually taken with some beautiful beach in the background or in a dense jungle somewhere in Southeast Asia — with the main focus of course — being the individual who seems to be happy in the photo and the title selfishly reads “catch flights not feelings.”
Now, let me be clear and say that by me saying seems to be happy, I am not implying that every individual who posts a photo with this tagline isn’t happy — I am simply implying, that there’s a good chance you aren’t. And call me weird, but I have a real fucking knack for remembering every detail about someone even if we’ve met once at a gas station on the way to San Francisco. And the reason that matters, is due to the fact that my brain runs a historical analysis on everyone I scroll through on my feed (without me wanting it to) and when I come across a girl/guy who has that as their caption, I remember their shitty track record with dating. I’d also like to add that those individuals come from some degree of broken homes (parent left early on/divorce) and or has a bad relationship with their mother/father and have an unresolved set of issues to this very day. Okay, yeah I know this seems like a stretch and you’re probably thinking I’m crazy (and there’s a good chance I am) but hear me out because I am about to say some shit that most of you aren’t going to agree with, accept, or want to hear but it’s time we brought some underlining problems to the surface.
We all have the need feel like we belong and to be loved.
On his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” Abraham Maslow uses his now famous hierarchy of needs which is represented by a pyramid, to express what he believes are the needs of all human beings. According to Maslow (in reference to the third level or love/belonging), humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among social groups, regardless whether these groups are large or small. For example, some large social groups may include clubs, co-workers, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, gangs, and online communities. Some examples of small social connections include family members, intimate partners, mentors, colleagues, and confidants. The beautiful thing about this concept is that in order for you to properly “advance” through the levels, the lower tiers need to have all been met. This is where so many people fall short due to a laundry list of variables — but using a more Freudian, psychoanalysis method of understanding we will focus one variable in particular; our childhood.
“When you really start to understand an individual (including yourself) you come to realize that a majority of their problems come from one of two things: Their fear of being alone or their fear of not being good enough — and sometimes, it’s a combination of the two.”
— Tomer Greenfeld
Yes, I just quoted myself, deal with it. Depending on the type of childhood you had (and how you dealt with your problems), you either have a fear of being alone or a fear of not being good enough. There are many variables at play here, but the biggest one (in my opinion) comes from the type of marriage your parents have or had. This is a subconscious paradigm that alters the way we deal with our realities — including (cue drumroll) the type of relationships we have throughout life; both friendships and romantic.
So what the fuck does this all have to do with a seemingly harmless social media post caption?
Because by posting a photo with the caption “catch flights, not feelings” you’re expressing to the world your need for validation and your need to feel loved because you never received what you needed growing up (ouch). You’re expressing your inability to confront your emotions (because you never learned how to properly deal with them) and so the best method of avoiding those emotions is to pack a bag and travel to a different part of the world — without knowing you’re carrying more than one type of baggage on that flight. You’re enabling your fear of not being good enough by believing that by changing your physical location, you’re in fact solving your problems. You’re not, you’re only making them worse. Sure, you see beautiful things and meet amazing people — but that temporarily high goes away a few months after your back because you realize Thailand isn’t you’re fucking reality. You still have $35,000 + in student debt loans, you’re now single and another 3 of your friends got married — your job kinda sucks and there’s a good chance you end up purchasing (but hopefully adopting) a dog to deal with your FEAR OF BEING ALONE.
***I’d like to go on record and just say that I fucking love dogs and have nothing against them, I’m just being facetious.
But above all, you’re choosing to grow with age and not experience. Yes, believe it or not, wisdom doesn’t come with age (as I discussed in my article here). If you’re not willing to go through the difficult times now, there’s a good chance you’re not going to be able to deal with them in your next relationship. You end being a 30-year-old man-child (or the equivalence for a female) and wonder why you cannot have a mature relationship.
If you just got out of a relationship and have the need for a change of scenery, by all means, go travel — in fact, I encourage you to. But don’t do it out of spite, do it for you. And if you’ve learned nothing from this post and do it out of spite, at least caption it with something else and don’t share your emotional inadequacies.
In conclusion — I’m here to tell you it’s okay (if no one else has given you permission) to catch the flight and the feelings. Fall in love with someone and get your heart broken. Yes, it sucks — but think about how much better of a partner you’re going to be with the amazing person you end up with because you took the time to internalize your pain and face your fears. And you’ll end up attracting someone who dealt with the same or similar adversity. Don’t go traveling to escape your reality, travel to submerge yourself in other cultures and have that help you form a new reality.
Walk directly into your fears and say hello to the new you.
From someone who frequently catches flights and feelings (for dogs),
— T.E.G
