but what if she doesn’t like coffee? (dating probs, pt. 1.5)

well… i wasn’t going to talk about dating two weeks in a row, but it seems like i’ve struck a chord because your feedback on last week’s post has been pretty insane.
so today, i’m giving in. this still only scratches the surface of the things i want to talk/rant/solve, but enjoy nonetheless.
and thank you. you are something special.

also, I WAS ON A PODCAST talking about dating. listen here.

who likes first dates?

no one:

no one:

me: yeah…maybe

no one at all:

thats right, no one. unless you’re me.

not that i’ve been on a lot of “official” first dates, because i haven’t, but not for lack of trying.
i usually only go on dates with people i already have an established friendship with.
so the nerve-racking ache you get in the pit of your stomach when you’re going on a date with someone who you barely know rarely happens to me.

but still, first date with a friend or with a stranger, although exciting, still not very fun to look forward to.
it can be fun once you get past all the anxious waiting, awkward pauses and superficial conversation and into the good stuff.

but let’s start in the beginning.
(yes, i’m sharing first date tips, you happy?)

truthfully,
i’m not the master dater, i’m the master friend-hang-out conversation-starter guy.

i love talking to people. i love learning about them. where they are from. why they do what they do. it’s just exciting to meet people with a different story than mine and learn about their life.
so why is this hard to do on a first date?

well let’s talk about: PLACE

where do you go on a first date?
to a bar? club? movie? lunch?
all pretty terrible choices.
great choices for an eventual date, but not the first.

no, i’ve narrowed down the best two first date locations to either coffee or dinner.
the better of the two being coffee.

now, you may ask, “why not dinner greg? a woman needs her free food”.
and free food you shall get, eventually.
i’m trying to save you some awkward situations okay??

dinner is great. i love food. i love the intimacy of a dark room setting.
it’s longer than coffee. there’s the option to go for dessert after. take a walk. linger at the doorstep. (he should be walking you to your door btw).
but there’s a lot of added pressure on a dinner date.

first of all, the man should offer to pick up the woman.
this is common courtesy. chivalry. it’s nice.
more time together before and after the dinner. but there’s pressure there.

does his car smell? is it clean?
he doesn’t even know if its clean or not?
(we men have a broken part of our brain that doesn’t see dirt until someone points it out)

what if the woman gets uncomfortable and wants the date to end sooner?
she rode with him. now she has to wait and bear through the pain.

there’s just a lot that could go wrong on both sides and if it’s not going well, you just spent all that time (and money) to impress someone who wants to run out of there as fast as she can.

save the dinner date for the second or third date. closer to when you’ve decided whether or not this will be a steady “thing”.

the best place for a first date is coffee, hands down.

but bro, what if she doesn’t drink coffee?
first off, she should like coffee, if she doesn’t, she’s not the one.
(i might be joking…drink whatever you like)
secondly, it’s not about the coffee (it really is) it’s about the setting.

coffee is a daytime thing.
men don’t have to pick her up.
women don’t have to endure the awkward hello and goodbye as you enter and exit his car.
you meet each other there. it’s safe on both sides. it’s in a public place, but yet intimate enough where you can have a real conversation.
you can leave whenever you like and since it’s during the day, you can make up whatever excuse you like to get out quick.

it’s fool-proof. low pressure. great for both parties to get to know one another.

which leads me to my second focus: CONVERSATION

what do you talk about on a first date?

do you remember the game you used to play over the phone or even when texting first came out?
(yes, all you gen z’s scratching your brains because you can’t remember a world without texting…you just don’t know)

the game was “20 questions” and each of you took turns asking simple questions in order to get to know your crush.
“what’s your favorite color?” “favorite food?” “what do you do for fun?”
simple, easy, low pressure.

so what happened to that?

i’m a fan of real and deep conversations yes, but those can be very alarming on a first date and honestly, not everyone knows how they feel about the major issues of life when put on the spot like that.

why not start off with simplicity?
“where are you from?” “any siblings?” “what was your favorite movie as a kid?”
and then as you get a rhythm going you can move to deeper questions like:
“what was college like for you?” “what’s your dream job?” “any goals you have for yourself this year?”

and boys, listen to me,
YOU be the initiator of the questions.
don’t talk about yourself off the bat. this moment is about her.
find out everything you can. she’s the only girl in the world at the moment. treat her like it.

and girls, you listen too.
ask the questions back.
like, big pet peeve; when the guy is actually doing a good job of asking you questions and being a good listener for you and you never reciprocate in the conversation.
it’s boring and selfish.
make it interesting. learn about him. don’t be so focused on sharing details you know you’ll have in common and just be yourself.
who cares if you disagree on something? that will actually lead to deeper conversation.

and finally: BODY LANGUAGE

i don’t speak spanish, but i usually know what’s happening just by reading someone’s body language.
and when i’m in a coffee shop, i can’t hear the conversations around me, but i am analyzing the bodies in the room and can probably tell you how their conversations are going just by looking at them.

how you position your body in a conversation matters.

are you giving them eye contact?
like real eye contact.
looking into their eyes makes someone feel like you are truly connecting with them. like they are known.

is your body facing them?
are your arms crossed like you’re bored or are you pointed away from them towards the door?
face them, square up. feet, face, shoulders. everything forward and intentional.
don’t let your attention get distracted.

are you looking at your phone or watch?
don’t even have your phone on the table.
turn your apple watch on do not disturb.
this time is about being in the present with the person in front of you.
you’ll never get this moment back.

nod your head. talk back. laugh for goodness sake.
let them know you are really listening and not judging their words.

DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS WITH YOUR EX.

there will be plenty of time for the “dirt” of life later.
today is about fun. today is about the honesty of casual but intentional conversation.

a great, intentional conversation over coffee, in my opinion (which is why you came to my blog) is the best first date.
it’s disarming, low pressure and cheap lol.

you can get out any time.
there’s no pressure for a second hang out.
you can stay shallow with conversation or go as deep as you like.
and if you really enjoyed it, you can schedule dinner for a night later in the same week.

don’t knock it until you try it.
and do try it.
there’s no harm in a coffee date.

girls, why not?
boys, just do it.
girls, you don’t have to say yes to a second date.
boys, a yes to a first date does NOT mean she’s ready to marry you.

and for goodness sake, try to have fun people.
if you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.

we cool?

peace

-gb

here’s something fun.
i make a personal playlist for each season of the year, as well as 100’s of others.

so here’s my current fall playlist. give it a follow. hope you enjoy!

https://open.spotify.com/user/124106297/playlist/4y8gynVvcbylvXekP8H1u7?si=M9XPYvXTS-S95mG4gI__4A