Hidden Gendered Expectations & the Gender Flip
Women are held to higher expectations leading to further perpetuated gender stereotypes
Recently, Harvey Weinstien’s defense attorney Donna Rotunno was interviewed by Megan Twohey on The Daily. When Rotunno was asked if she was ever sexually assaulted, she responded no “because I would never put myself in that position.”
I fumed and sighed in disappointment as she uttered these words. Less because of what she had said, more because she had said it being a woman. Ironically, this was only a couple days after I had sent Unconforming’s “women against women” issue — asking you to focus less on the women part and more on the system women operate in. And here I was, throwing away my own instructions, fixating angrily on Rotunno’s shocking response as a woman.
If Rotunno was a man, would I feel the same way? I tried to imagine feeling the same level of disappointment, but I just couldn’t. I wondered if this had to do with the expectations women are often up against. One of our readers put it perfectly:
“Men are never expected to get along very well with all other men just because they are men, but women are. I think the increased expectation can perpetuate the “women against women” stereotype, too, because we are held to an impossibly high standard of support for one another.”
(Thanks for sharing, Shriya!)
Flipping the gender can be an insightful exercise — here are two recent examples from me:
1. Taking Notes 📝 📝 📝
At a client workshop, our (female) project management lead profusely took notes and made sure key points made it to post-it notes on the wall for everyone to access. For some reason, I just couldn’t imagine a man in the same position doing so. I often hear from a thousand paper cuts storytellers:
“I thought he wanted me to facilitate the meeting, but I found out that what he really wanted me to do was take the agenda notes. The other guys also thought I was a note taker.” –from a thousand paper cuts
2. Charm—a story I was told 🐿️🐿️🐿️
I recently heard this story — during a pitch meeting with a male VC, a squirrel showed up in his office window. Sitting back in his chair, he began to throw peanuts across the table to the squirrel without any explanation.
This story was told with humor & lightheartedness — exhibiting that this guy was charming in his quirkiness. I applied the gender flip. I wondered how a woman, who began to throw peanuts across the table at a squirrel in the middle of a meeting, would have been portrayed. I just couldn’t imagine her portrayal having the same charm and lightheartedness. Can you?
The gender flip exercise is powerful because it helps me uncover hidden expectations I might have from a person because of their gender.
Give it a try and hit reply to let me know what it reveals for you!
This post is an excerpt from Unconforming: a newsletter about Design for Women. Unconforming goes out every two weeks and also shares learnings from experts, job and other opportunities, examples and articles — all to make an impact in the women’s space. Sign up here to get it in your inbox!
