Forward this newsletter to a man you love—Sharing the burden of gender equity
Living a feminist life often means being the killjoy at the table — why men should share this burden with us
Sometimes when I’m telling someone about my work, having to mention women or gender-equity makes me cringe a little inside, at myself. I cringe at my predictability, at possibly being what Sara Ahmed calls the feminist killjoy — “whenever we speak, eyes seem to roll,” she describes in her book Living a Feminist Life.
Being a feminist all the time can be hard work. A friend recently mentioned that she’s started working part-time to accommodate childcare for her kids. She loves all the quality time she’s getting with them, and yet struggles with the decision. “My husband and I decided together and it feels right. It’s not a sexist decision, but it feels that it is,” she said.
Like my friend, I often wonder if some of my own decisions / behaviours feel regressive, or sexist, or anti-feminist even if they might be the right decision for me in the moment. I worry about pulling down on the progress made by other women, or not living up to my feminist values. This thinking, evaluating work is oh, so tiring. My or her or other husbands probably don’t have to think about this. It’s not so obviously relevant to them.
What would it look like, if men shared some of this burden? Then, gender equity gatherings would be attended equally by men and women. Then, at the mention of gender or women, men wouldn’t feel the need to excuse themselves or not engage. Then, I would definitely have more than one male reader who consistently engages with and responds to my newsletter (👋Suheil T!).
The responses from my female readers are so valuable to me — they keep me going. And, I also know that I must engage men to create more impact. So, even though I cringed at myself as I wrote, deleted, re-wrote today’s subject line — I ask you to forward this newsletter (or another gender gap/women’s resource you value) to a man you love & care about.
My hope is that through my research, stories, insights and ideas, I can create urge more men to share the burden by seeing the world through a women-centric lens. And in doing so, reduce the frequent instance of “hey, I didn’t think about that,” so the real work can begin to happen.
This post is an excerpt from Unconforming: a newsletter about Design for Women. Unconforming goes out every two weeks and also shares learnings from experts, job and other opportunities, examples and articles — all to make an impact in the women’s space. Sign up here to get it in your inbox!
