As A Single Woman in Mid 30s This Is What Love Means to Me
We all crave for love but our definition of love differs. That’s where it gets tricky….
I published an article “As a Single Woman in Mid 30s, This is What I Want to Tell the World” inspired by the work of Natasha Nichole Lake.
In the above article I asked the readers if they would like to know “What love means to me as a single woman in mid 30s?” and Sahil Patel, Borlokva and Natasha Nichole Lake encouraged me to write about it. Thank you for your feedback guys, this one is for you. :)
My definition of love has transformed over time, I think this happens to everyone, this is what growth does to you. Remember! I said “growth” not “age”, because your opinions refine with “growth” no matter how old you are.
As a single woman in mid 30s, I don’t crave for drama, those filmy lovey dovey talks seem cheesy and stupid now. Texting each other throughout the day is not what I am interested in. I would neither create a scene if my partner forgets to send me good morning text nor am I available for long phone calls on a daily basis. If this is what you are looking for, I am sorry, we are not compatible.
See!!! Like it or not, at this age, I have a life of my own which does not depend on another person’s existence. I have survived this long without a partner and it did not stop me from achieving my goals and living my life to the fullest, so don’t expect me to leave everything behind and follow you around like a toddler. This is not gonna happen, NEVER.
Here is what Love means to me:-
1. Space:-
The most important thing for me is space, the space to breathe, the space to grow, the space to live and decide for myself.
It would be fun if you are willing to accompany me in my adventures, I’ll be there for you too. However, don’t expect me to seek your approval for everything in my life.
2. Compatibility:-
My idea of love is “to be compatible”. Compatibility not in terms of looks or age, I am looking for compatibility of ideas and perspectives. The way we look at the world would not be the same, of course, we are two different people. However, our perspectives should blend with each other.
I believe in respect, kindness, empathy, understanding and communication. If your idea of life revolves around power, money, status and proving your superiority, this is not going to work.
3. Respect:-
There is no love without respect. I believe in respecting people regardless of their nationality, religion, social status, anything. Everyone deserves the same amount of respect in my eyes, so do I. I will not tolerate disrespect at any cost.
If you do not have the capability to respect, don’t tell me you love me. Because clearly you don’t. Even if you do, I don’t need this kind of love in my life.
Whenever I’ll have to choose one thing from “love or respect”, I will ALWAYS choose respect.
4. Consistency:-
Do not appear with a different mask everyday. Be consistent. Be yourself, I don’t like that game where you have to guess what character the other person is playing today.
I have seen people looking at the face of their partners all the time, to judge their mood, to manage their reactions, to avoid conflict. I don’t see myself doing this.
People who bombard their partners with love one day and then totally ignore them for several days, are not my kind of people. I don’t think this is what love looks like. Consistency is the key for any relationship.
5. Transparency:-
Playing mind games on your partner, hiding everything from them and twisting your words does not fall under my definition of love.
Be open. Share everything that matters. I’ll be there for you, but if you can’t trust me with your secrets, we are definitely not in love.
6. Ability to Deal With Difference of Opinion:-
I have had a life long before you entered the picture. I have my own opinion on almost everything. That opinion is based on my observations, experiences, faith, family traditions, and so many other factors.
We are not going to agree on everything, I get that and if someone loves me, he should understand and respect that as well.
Everyone has a right to have their own opinion and people should be able to interact with each other in a respectable and friendly manner, despite having differences of opinion. I am not going to force my opinions on my partner and that is what I expect in return.
7. Ownership:-
If you can’t own me and our relationship in public, I don’t need your attention in private. Own your words, actions, intentions and everything you do, because I can guarantee that all of this will be reciprocated equally.
Do not justify your outbursts of anger by blaming the circumstances or heat of the moment. Have that grace to own your actions and be ready to face the consequences.
8. Zero Drama:-
Gone are the days when melodrama attracted women, it doesn’t. At least not to women of my age. At this point in life, what matters most is comfort. There is no space for drama in my life, and one thing I know for sure is that drama is not a by-product of love.
The origins of drama are insecurity, immaturity, complexes and inconsistency. I appreciate people who can sort things out in a simple and peaceful manner. Let’s be real and sort things out with grace.
Share your definition of love. I would love to know your comments on this article.
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