while(self++) { #95 } // Triangular Theory of Love
Last week, I wrote about relationship anarchy. It got me thinking about a point of discussion from my high school Health & Sex Ed class — the Triangular Theory of Love. Developed by Robert Sternberg, the theory posits that there are three different components of love: (1) passion, (2) intimacy, and (3) commitment. Passion refers to physical arousal and/or emotional stimulation, intimacy to the feelings of closeness and attachment to one another, and commitment to the conscious decision to be with one another. The sticking point for me is that different kinds of love are achieved based on the various combinations of these three components. Matching the image above, they are as follows:
- Non-love: The absence of any of the three types of love. No connection. Indifferent to relationship.
- Liking/friendship: Intimacy without passion or commitment. This includes friendships and acquaintances.
- Infatuated love: Passion without intimacy or commitment. Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
- Empty love: Commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger kind of love may deteriorate into empty love.
- Romantic love: Passionate and intimate, but without commitment. This could be considered a romantic affair or could be a one-night stand.
- Companionate love: Intimate and committed, but non-passionate, this love is stronger than friendship. It is ideally shared between family members and between close friends who have a platonic, but strong friendship.
- Fatuous love: Passion and commitment, but no intimacy, this love is exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage — an example of this is “love at first sight.”
- Consummate love: The complete form of love, containing all three components and representing the ideal relationship that people strive towards. It is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” However, Sternberg cautioned that maintaining consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stressed the importance of translating the components of love into action. Consummate love may not be permanent.
This theory appealed to me greatly in high school. It made sense, simplifying a complicated set of emotions. However, that is exactly the problem. The Triangular Theory of Love is a simplification. But like most theories, it’s a tool that attempts to explain — if partially — something that’s enormously difficult to break down.
Note: Most of this post is taken from Wikipedia. It contains entire passages that are not my own words.
