Working in Tech With a Despicable Person and Feeling Emotionally Overwhelmed
5 simple rules to avoid becoming that person
“Colleagues giggle and joke around without wanting to commit to the project.
The work methodology is not respected.
The pace of delivery is killing me.”
— a Product Owner I chat with on Reddit
How do you deal with this situation, which is dragging you down more and more every day?
Mentally, physically. Which makes you want to find another job — because that’s what you’re doing as we speak.
How do you deal with this nonsense on a daily basis?
Working with colleagues who don’t get on at all is no fun at all. It’s hellish, especially when you’re working as part of a team.
The pressure of deadlines and project quality. Keeping up to date with technological advances.
That’s the daily life of a Product Owner in 2024. Whatever the size of the organization, whatever the scope of the project.
And yet it’s not uncommon to meet people who have already been through this. I’m sure you’ve come across someone, whatever their role, who felt out of place.
For my part, the disengagement of workers prompted me to write an article to find out why.
I had a similar experience.
I ended up resigning from my job because I was so affected.
It was in 2020.
I was working as a Mobile Application Product Owner in a small company. For one year, I’d been in charge of a customer’s project, with whom I had a good rapport.
We had a very good relationship with the team of developers and the designer.
Everyone trusted each other, and frankly, we did quality work.
Just look at the fruits of our labor. I’ve written an article about it.
One day, the director hired someone to take on the role of manager.
A sales manager (or something like that).
In fact, we didn’t really know what her role was.
We knew she’d never worked in Tech. Nor in the operational side of mobile application development projects for that matter.
So it was clear to us that she would be working in a support capacity.
So this person joined the company.
Most people who start out in a job observe their environment and work methods.
They get to know the processes, the difficulties and the successes.
In short, they make their mark and gain in skills.
It would have been so nice if this manager had done just that!
Instead of taking the time to understand, she got on my case and never let go.
She kept asking me to write sales proposals instead of the company salesman.
I have no problem writing proposals for prospects, I’m a former sales rep.
But this task encroached heavily on my role as Product Owner, and I couldn’t see how I could combine the two.
I had to report to him to justify our technical and functional choices.
I don’t mind being transparent in my work. It’s even normal. But questioning technical choices when she has no background in mobile application development… It’s rather clumsy.
She absolutely wanted to talk to the client, who didn’t want to.
She was intrusive.
If that’s all it had been.
In addition to calling everything into question, she was very unpleasant.
I really didn’t like the way she was. She was rude to everyone, she told dirty jokes.
She didn’t have the posture of a manager at all.
In IT, we have introverted profiles. We’re passionate about our work and like to focus on the essentials.
Small-talks and dirty or misogynistic jokes don’t go down well.
I stayed with the company for 6 months and then resigned.
I spoke to management about it, but they told me to make an effort and be patient.
I had no support from them.
I preferred to leave.
This manager drove away more than 9 employees. It’s true!
There are more comfortable solutions than resigning, when you’re emotionally affected.
This situation is extreme (though).
Let’s talk about it!
1. Get to know the process
The manager’s first mistake is not taking the time to understand the process.
In an organization, there are processes. People have been working around them for months or even years.
It’s a very bad idea to come in and want to break everything!
Honestly, don’t do that.
Take the time to understand.If things are the way they are, there must be a reason for it.
2. Understand if people (really) want to change
Sometimes things aren’t perfect. There are obvious areas for improvement.
Solutions are proposed, documents and workflows put in place. We do our utmost to get things moving in the right direction.
And yet, the situation remains unchanged.
Have you asked yourself whether people really want to change?
If not, forget it! You’re going to wear yourself out for nothing.
As long as change doesn’t come from the top, people won’t want to move.So don’t come up with any good ideas — you’ll be wasting your time.
3. Understand the pain-points
It comes down to understanding processes and people.
You see obvious difficulties in the way the organization and your colleagues work.
Ask yourself why people have reached this point.
There’s bound to be a logical answer.
Why doesn’t Michel talk to Martine about accounting anymore? Is their conflict insoluble or temporary?
Why does Mathilde irritate everyone as soon as she speaks? Did she lose a big account by getting the deadlines wrong, or did she highlight a problem?
In short, people and organizations have a history.
You’ve just arrived, so take the time to understand before trying to change everything.
4. Rely on resource people
In a conflict, disorganized situation or other situation (in general), you’re not alone.
Other people see the same things you do. They’re going through it too.
Get in touch with them. Ask them what they’ve already done, and if they’ve tried any solutions.
After all, maybe something has already been done and failed completely.
Who knows!
In any case, having someone to lean on is always preferable.
5. Accept the situation or leave
This is my final piece of advice. If your daily life is unbearable and won’t change.
Walk away!
Find another job and grit your teeth while it lasts.
That’s sometimes the best way to keep your sanity and avoid going off the rails at work.
To finish on a positive note
It’s really unpleasant to work in conflict.
Fortunately, it doesn’t happen every day, but when you’re in this situation, there are no fifteen solutions.
Take it easy, and see what works best from the suggestions in this article. And if nothing really works, take the exit.
There are plenty of other great experiences waiting for you!
🌈
Do you want to train as a Product Owner? Are you a beginner and neurodivergent?
