Self-Care: You Need It Too
How caregivers can learn to care for themselves
When you’re caught up in life, busy attending to bills, housework, pets, and maybe even a family member or two, it can be really easy to forget yourself. I don’t mean forgetting your personality outside of being a caregiver. I mean if you’re always busy caring for someone else, who is going to care for you?
Rianne Grace made an excellent point in her story What My Self-Care Looks Like Today: Self-care is not always pretty, but it is necessary.
My family has a long, long history of health issues, from cancer to diabetes to fibromyalgia. As one of the healthier members of the family (not to mention the youngest) I was left with a lot of the heavy lifting, so to speak. I was born a year or so before my mom was diagnosed with fibro. The intense lack of energy from the disease left her pretty well chair-bound for the better part of four years. She’s since learned to manage it better and can get around normally. However, this caused me to grow up with the caregiver mentality.
What is the caregiver mentality, you ask? It’s where you’re so used to caring for another person, physically or emotionally, that it shapes your entire view of living. I was always the able-bodied young ’un who was obligated to help because I could. Because of that, I can’t stop myself from trying to help every single struggling person I come across.
I became so focused on supporting my struggling family members, I forgot that I was struggling too.
Now, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to have this caregiver mentality. And I’m certainly not saying it was anyone’s fault; it’s a good thing to want to help people. What I’m trying to say is to be sure you’re taking care of yourself. I became so focused on supporting my struggling family members, I forgot that I was struggling too. Take it from me that once you’re focused on caring for someone else’s needs, it can be very easy to forget that you have needs as well.
Self-care is an interesting thing; it’s incredibly important for your average person’s everyday existence. Yet, it is often lost in the whirlpool of life, especially when you’re a caregiver.
Self-care isn’t always pretty, nor is it obvious when you need some. As a caregiver, you’re used to focusing on the needs of someone else. Take a day and try to see your own needs. If bath bombs and candles do the trick, then go for it! I’m not here to tell you that you can’t do a certain kind of self-care. But don’t always expect it to be soft and aesthetically pleasing.
Sometimes it’s crying at two in the morning and reminding yourself that you’re a good person.
Yes, sometimes it’s sitting outside, enjoying the sunset and reading a good book. Self-care can be pretty, but it isn’t always. Sometimes it’s crying at two in the morning and reminding yourself that you’re a good person. Sometimes it’s turning on your favorite music and cleaning your room, going slow because you have no energy. And yes, sometimes it is eating that fancy lemon cupcake I bought for you. (Shush. It was on clearance.)
How can you tell when you need some time to yourself? It’s different for everyone. For me, I know I need a break either when I haven’t been able to sleep or eat much, or I’ve been sleeping and eating all the time. If you’re a writer, it can be writer’s block; perhaps artist’s block if you’re an artist. The main point is: pay attention to yourself. If you notice anything that seems out of the ordinary, ask yourself why this could be happening. It could be as simple as low blood sugar or PMS. It could also be more serious and you could be spiraling.
You might think that you can’t have a break because you still have to care for someone. You do have responsibilities, but you’re a person worthy of care, too. See if you can make arrangements for someone else to care for them for a day. You are a human being and you deserve time to yourself.
In conclusion, remember that, as a person, sometimes you need to rest, even if someone else disagrees. Make your mental health a priority, and don’t be afraid to go out there and have fun! There’s a cupcake waiting for you somewhere.
