What hurts the most about divorce:
It is not the material loss or the reputational damage…
It is watching someone that claimed to love you show you hatred you’d not even expect from your enemy.
It is watching them put in the efforts they did not put in building you up be put to bring you as low as low can be.
It is hearing someone you loved and cared about say lies about you that you can not reconcile to reality. And then you wonder, if I were this evil, why then did he marry me in the first place? It was easier to just marry another woman completely, shouldn't it?
It is watching them go about as if they were in a competition of being right and wrong, trying to win people on their side.
It is standing face to face with your marriage vows in your head and replace each promise with their opposite. It is watching I will protect you become I will expose you, cherish become hate, provide for you become take from you, It is watching I will be with you in sickness and in health (to love and support) turn into being with you at all times to harm you since I am tied to you via the children.
The question I am pushed to ask is: is it not possible to divorce someone quietly and not seek to damage them? If you have qualified your spouse of being the twin of the devil, and on those grounds decide to show them the door, why then be after them again seeking to ensure they disappear from the surface of the earth? What is that really about?
Is it winning?
The sad truth is no one wins in a divorce. No one! Be it the one walking away, or the one staying behind, or whatever the case may be… Even if alimony of $10000000000 is paid into your account every day, no one wins in a divorce.
If it depended on me, the efforts we put in ensuring the other suffer, the efforts we put in filling court papers, the effort we put into breaking down should be put into fixing the marriage. I have seen that it takes more effort and time to break a marriage than it takes to fix it.
I know you say it took only 2 years and a marriage of 30 years was dissolved. No, on paper yes. But those people, as long as their children live, will be still trying to divorce.
From my experience, I’d rather advise you to work on your relationships. The drama of divorce is not worth it if life is not at stake.
(The untold truth of divorce link https://medium.com/new-writers-welcome/the-untold-truth-of-divorce-b74fd3627258?source=friends_link&sk=d921b1bdfa63d801f04872966a295fbf)
If you are Christian, listen to the church, the dirt you will get into will not be worth the spiritual loss.
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I’m hoping to soon write why divorce is bad for your health
And why it is bad for your spirituality (I hope I'm brave enough to write about that).
If you liked this piece, please enrich my knowledge on my upcoming topics and even on the current one. Maybe share and stop someone from taking the route of divorce. It is not worth it.
