Cannot Stop Complaining? Here’s Why
Some people seriously just want to complain, so stop wasting energy on trying to help them find a solution to their problem; they like having their problem, if they didn’t, they would find a solution to get their life onto a better path.
There have been times when I have been discussing an issue with a loved one, whether it be a family member, friend or colleague, and for every solution I provide, or suggestion of a direct way I can help them, to alleviate or mitigate the situation or person that is providing them a problem, I would get shot down. Originally, it use to really confuse me and I use to think that my solutions must not be appropriate or that I must have not thought of all the influencing factors. What I have learnt is that not everyone wants a solution; some people just want to feel like a martyr, so now, I listen, I express empathy for their situation and not let their concerns impact my life in a single negative way. I know, this sounds super negative, but I assure you it is not; it is not even mean. It is something I have learnt through the years and I no longer waste energy or time trying to help someone who is not going to help themselves out in the slightest.
There have been numerous times in life when I have been listening to a loved one’s problem(s) and the solution has been black and white. I present said solution, but the person, without even trying out my recommended solution, tells me why it will not work. Some reasons make more sense than others, but what all the excuses, to refusing to even try to fix a problem, tell me is that you really do not want to fix the problem; you simply want to talk about it and that’s okay.
When I look back at situations I have complained about in the past, and when I have been given a realistic, practical solution to the problem and I did not take it, it was because I wanted to feel like a: martyr, victim, superhero, and the list of titles goes on. The next time you are complaining about something and someone either tells you the perfect solution, or better yet, offers to help you so that you can achieve your desired outcome, and you flick away their effort, enthusiasm or solution ask yourself why.
Depending on where you are in your life, perhaps it might be time you finally own up to the fact that you simply want to complain, feel sorry for yourself and not put the effort into bettering your solution. I think the underlying issue is, if you did not have all these excuses as to why you could not complete your goal, then the only person you would have to blame is yourself and that is probably too scary of a reality to deal with.
Challenge yourself to take advice or suggestions to your problems. If you are asking for advice, be smart and ask individuals who you want to grow from. If you simply want to lament about a situation, be clear about that too, but only so much complaining can be constituted as healthy. We often put up our own barriers in life, but make ourselves believe that someone or something else is imposing them on us. When I look back at the struggles I have overcome, what I have realized is that I was my own worst block. The moment I started admitting what I was doing wrong or what I was ignoring, I was able to deal with the situation head on.
Think about what you complain about, why you complain and how often you are complaining. What are you getting out of complaining and not doing? If most of your conversations about life are negative, you life will be negative; life is not that complicated because we are what we think about. Challenge yourself to complain less and do more to fix the challenge. Failure may happen, but remember that failure is the result of trying. Trying can have fear associated with it, but most things worth doing can be a bit scary.
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