Living life as the third-wheel
How it feels to be the single friend.
So, I currently live with three other girls. All of whom are amazing. All of which are in relationships. Despite me being unable to make a long-distance relationship work, these girls are doing a cracking job at it. However, this then labels me as the ‘single friend’. On top of that, loads of my mates have recently gotten into relationships. Even the one who claimed to be more aggressively single than I was has coupled up. Consequently, I remain entirely alone and have to live my love life vicariously through everyone else. But, being the constant third-wheel has its pros and cons.
Con: I live with three couples
Even though the boys aren’t there every single day, there’s always at least one of them down for the weekend. I can deal with one at a time, but when they all arrive together, I’m completely surrounded by cuddling, kissing and cuteness. It’s not pleasant. The worst time though, was when we decided to have a games night, which of course involved getting into pairs. Guess who was the odd one out? Yep, me. They had to take it in turns adopting me into their team just so I wouldn’t feel left out or give any particular group an advantage (even though it’s probably a disadvantage having me on your team because I’m useless at board games). Basically, I’m a burden to them and they gross me out with their sickly sweetness.
Pro: I’ve gained three more friends
I can’t complain too much about the boys because they are truly lovely people. My housemates have chosen very well. Normally when around your friends’ partner you feel guarded and awkwardly engage in small talk whilst your mate is in the shower, but with these boyfriends I feel completely comfortable. I can be weird around them and not get embarrassed, we all cook together and they don’t mind if I gate crash their movie nights every now and then. Even if they do say I’m like their pet, we get along well and I’ve made three more friends.
Con: I’m automatically a slut
The boy drama in your friends’ life is very limited, so any tiny bit of action you get is immediately blown out of proportion. The moment I kiss a boy or two everyone freaks out and says I’m a little bit slutty for working my way through the same sports team. Granted I seem to have a preference for one particular sport, but a peck here and there does not mean that I’m a slut. People also get very carried away the second they see you with a boy. One time I was dancing with a male friend in Venue, who I have a very platonic relationship with, and my housemates immediately thought “Oh he definitely likes you! He wants to get with you! He was one hundred percent flirting!” No, he wasn’t. Let me enjoy my male friendships and let me enjoy getting with boys.
Pro: My friends wish they were sluts too
Even when my friends can become a tad over-invested in my love life, I know they’re having to live their single life through me. I feel empowered knowing I can get with who I want to without having to think or worry about anyone else. I have complete freedom to go out, spontaneously do pub trips and have fun with my friends. My mates can call me a slut but they know I secretly love that aspect of singleness. I know a small part of them misses it too. Maybe that’s why I get with as many people as I do, to make up for their lack of wild single days.
Con: Sometimes I get lonely
Being surrounded by couples can make me feel like I’m missing out a lot. I don’t have the same support system that they have. I don’t have one person I can express all my thoughts and feelings to without fearing that the information will get spread. When my housemates are all on date nights and I’m sat at home with a tub of ice-cream watching a film, I feel like such a cliché single girl. Other times I come home wanting a girl’s night but realise that they’re busy with the boyfriends and it can bring me down a bit. When I imagine going on fun days out or taking a trip away I automatically picture doing it with my friends, but their instinctive thoughts will be to invite their partner. It’s understandable and completely justifiable, but can make me feel a little lonely and excluded at times.
Pro: My friends always find time for me
Having said that, my friends are actually the best. Whether they’re single or in a relationship they always make an effort to meet up with me and I fill my days hanging out with such amazing people. On Valentine’s Day, my friend couldn’t be with her boyfriend due to long-distance, so we decided to spend the afternoon together. We made our own pizza, ate Ben and Jerry’s and watched the new ‘To all the boys I loved before’ film. It was a super cute girls’ night and a fantastic way to spend Valentine’s. Pizza and movie nights with my friends has become a common occurrence, which I am definitely enjoying. I’ve realised that my true friends are the ones who make time for me and don’t forget about their friends, even if they are in a relationship.
Being the third-wheeling single friend has its ups and downs, without a doubt. But, overall, it’s not that bad. I take jokes on the chin and have embraced the little bit of sluttiness within me. I value my friendships more and have discovered who is worth keeping in touch with.
Being the third-wheel isn’t all that bad.
