#Not All Men
If you only bring up sexual harassment against men when someone is mentioning sexual harassment against women, don’t pretend to care about sexual harassment.
After the devastating news of Sarah Everard, many people turned to social media to offer their condolences. To my horror, when I logged onto Twitter, I was disgusted to find that people were tweeting “she shouldn’t have been walking in the dark by herself”. This is a massive problem that still plagues our society. Why are we still blaming women for not taking the necessary precautions to keep themselves safe. Why should we have to wear bright clothes, not walk alone at night and not wear headphones. Why have women been told to stay inside in order to combat the problem that men cause. Why don’t we teach boys and men to not harass women instead.
Victim-blaming is the attitude which suggests that the victim rather than the perpetrator bears responsibility for the assault. Victim-blaming occurs when it is assumed that an individual did something to provoke the violence by actions, words, or dress.
Darius has recently written an article on our Writing in the Media page that explains the problem with this and how men can make women feel safer.
What I want to bring attention to is the response some men have had on social media towards the language women have been using when speaking about sexual harassment. The problem some had was with the term ‘men’. As women, we understand it’s not all men but by tweeting using the hashtag #notallmen it is taking away from the bigger picture here. The problem is that we cannot distinguish the men who may harass us and the men who will not. When I was scrolling through TikTok the other day, I found the perfect analogy to explain this to those who still refuse to understand the problem with #notallmen.
I’m fully aware that not all wasps are out to sting me, but I don’t make that distinction when there’s a swarm of them. I just assume they’re all going to sting me so that I can get away and be safe. We are not able to differentiate between the wasps who will sting me and the ones who won’t. And you wonder why women say they are scared of all men.
The language we use when talking about sexual harassment needs to change. We talk about how many women have been sexually assaulted and not about many men have sexually assaulted women. By using this passive language, we are taking away the blame from the perpetuators.
“We talk about how many women were raped last year, not about how many men raped women. So you can see how the use of this passive voice has political effect. It shifts the focus off men and boys and onto girls and women. Even the term violence against women is problematic. It’s a passive construction. There’s not active agent in the sentence. It’s a bad thing that happens to women. It’s a bad thing that happens to women, but when you look at a term violence against women, nobody is doing it to them. It just happens. Men aren’t even a part of it” — Jackson Katz, from his ted talk ‘violence against women: it’s a men’s issue’
Yes, much violence happens against men, but when the only time you bring this fact up is when someone is talking about the sexual harassment of women, you need to reflect upon yourself and your actions.
According to a recent study conducted on 1,000 individual's 18-24, 97% of them have experience sexual harassment. Almost all women have been a victim of harassment, so why are people surprised when we say we are scared of men!
We need to change our actions and attitudes, but also the language we use when talking about these topics. We really haven’t come far enough. How many more movements will it take before women can walk down a dimly lighted street without constant fear?
