2015, You Were Weird and Wonderful

Let’s continue in this fashion please, 2016

via New Old Stock

My first tweet of 2015 was a shout out in support of the TV show, Maron:

I wish I had kicked off the year in tweets with something more insightful (note to self: kick off 2016 with insightful tweet), but that tweet perfectly captures my state of mind at that time. While Marc Maron is still my free therapy, I’m happy to report I’ve done away with a lot of the previous toxicity in my life. I’ve decided, however, not to get any cats because I hate taking care of other living things and I’m not gonna do that anymore.

The first Medium story I published in 2015 also perfectly captures my January state of mind:

Inside the Mind of an Anxious Person at Four AM

Perhaps it’s due to the therapy (Maron and otherwise), or perhaps it’s due to the toxicity removal, but I think I can say I have significantly decreased my anxiety levels over the past year. Don’t get me wrong — I’m still anxiety-ridden at moments. I still panic in large crowds when people are bumping into me and I hightail it out of there so I don’t tell the wrong person to back the fuck off. I still worry about all sorts of things that I don’t need to worry about, like I’m pretty sure I have lupus or leukemia or something and I’ll probably be dead in 3 months. I still think nobody likes me and that I’m just a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad person. But I only think those things sometimes. And they no longer plague me at 4 AM. Trust me, this is progress. Surprisingly, I now also have moments where I think I’m fucking awesome. I’m smart. I’m cool. I’m clumsy and awkward and words don’t always come out of my mouth in a nice, smooth fashion — but I care a whole lot less about those things.

In February, this new, better version of me started making its way out of the deep inner cocoon in which I’d been forcing it to hide. I decided to learn how to be single and, most importantly, how to be me. I decided to chronicle it by starting my own publication because, why not?

I did a lot of writing about my dating life this year (see above), but I also did some writing about other things, like feelings…

I still really like this piece, even if it only makes sense to me:

Remind Yourself That You Are Small

And this one, on rejection:

Capturing an Unnamed Feeling

And sad songs! I feel like this one should have gotten more reads. I mean, I know nobody likes a list and this is a list, but dammit, who doesn’t like sad songs? If you’re really fucking happy right now, just bookmark this for future use, okay? There are some additional excellent suggestions in the responses. (side note: I’m really going to miss, you, Human Parts!)

The Saddest Sad Songs - Human Parts

And scenes from dating an addict:

Addiction Is a Thief - Human Parts

There’s probably a lot more addiction related material in my brain, but I mostly haven’t wanted to re-visit it lately. I think that’s a good thing.

In June, the awesome people who started the The Writing Cooperative asked me to join as an editor. I almost couldn’t believe it. Me? A writer? An editor? I’m not sure I would have used those words to describe myself before, but now I’m confident in saying they do apply.

I write, therefore, I am a writer.

Honestly, the Writing Cooperative is still trying to figure out how to successfully sustain a collaborative publication on Medium — growing pains, I suppose — but I’m really glad to be a part of the community here and I think we’re creating something great. Lots of excellent writers, editors, and ideas floating around. If you haven’t checked it out yet, do it:

The Writing Cooperative

Thanks to the connections I made here on Medium, I also recorded some pieces that aired on the Comatose Podcast (many thanks again to Nizar for reaching out and taking interest in what I thought were just my tiny, little stories, but which other people are apparently interested in listening to). This is the first one that aired:

My Most Favorite Pet Name

By the way, those guys are doing other cool things, supported by The Coffeelicious, like an interview series with Medium writers:

Why Not Me?

Aside from writing, here’s some other cool stuff I did this year:

• Completed my first half-marathon. Resulted in tibial stress fracture. Finally back to running again because IT KEEPS ME SANE.
• Joined a women’s flat track roller derby league. I’m currently still a “Fresh Meat”, which means, essentially, I’m learning how to skate, fall, and stop. I think derby adds to my baddassery credentials, no?
• Hugged giant sequoia trees, a childhood dream come true.
• Smoked pot in Amsterdam. Talked to prostitutes in Amsterdam. Saw windmills outside Amsterdam. (Not in this order.)
• Consumed excessive quantities of pommes frites with mayonnaise and Belgian beer in Europe. It was awesome.
• Turned 30. Rung it in with siblings and drunkenness. It was also awesome.

Thirty Years I've Been On This Planet - The Writing Cooperative

• Earned a promotion at my job that has nothing to do with writing. This is great because now I actually make enough money that I can do adult things like get my hair cut at regular intervals, own a new car, and buy top-shelf (or more-upper-shelf) liquor. However, I still have a housemate which sometimes makes me feel like I’m failing at life. On the flip-side, said housemate is pretty cool and he came with a Roomba.
• Let’s talk weird sex stuff. 2015 was a year of many firsts for me: threesomes, foursomes, anal sex, kinky play parties. What’s left? There must be something. Suggestions are welcome.
• I bought a Prius. Yes, I’m an asshole Prius driver. It’s the first new car I’ve owned and I love it and it makes me feel like a responsible adult to have a relatively nice car instead of one that has dented bumpers and rusted out edges and a cassette player that constantly makes dull clicking noises. I’d like my next car to be a Tesla. I’d like my car after that to be a 1968 Mustang. #lifegoals
• Oh! This may not belong here, but it’s worth mentioning somewhere. Last week, I had bottomless mimosas and Mexican food with this dude in San Francisco: Mike aka writer/editor/creator of The Cooties Report, sort of a male equivalent to my “Navigating the Sea of Singledom”. (He should have more followers because really his writing is pretty great. So go read some of his stuff! Right now!) In SF we talked writing, sex, dating, and smoked pot while watching The Wolf of Wall Street, which may just be my favorite movie ever. Anyway, this is notable because this was my first face-to-face meet-up with anyone related to writing and/or Medium. And that feels significant in some tiny way.

Okay, believe it or not, in real life I don’t enjoy talking about myself, so I’m done now.

2015 was a weird and wonderful adventure in which I learned to remove expectations from myself, push my boundaries to their limits, and become more self-reliant while also admitting vulnerability. For the first time in possibly ever, I’m enjoying life! My only hope for 2016 is that it’s just as weird and wonderful. Also, a book deal wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Send leads my way.

If you like what you just read, please recommend it and then check out more of my ramblings at https://medium.com/@writingsolo or tweet me @writingsolo.