We Need More Love Languages

Cassandra Boom
Yoni Portal
Published in
4 min readMay 18, 2022

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Suggestions to Expand on the Core 5 Love Languages

Photo taken by n_yfe From Free Images.com

It’s time for new Love Languages! I’m writing this in response to the Yoni Portal Publication request for new modern-day love languages. Greg Chapman is the Author of the classic bestselling book, The 5 Love languages. The premise his book is quite simple:

Different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer.

With the ever-changing and ever-increasing diversity, inclusion and evolution of the world that we live in today however… I think it’s safe to say that new love languages are in order.

Here are The Three on the Top of my List of New Love Languages:

1. Sexual Alignment As a Love Language

I know the classic book on 5 languages includes physical touch, but sexual goes a little further by linking libido, and sexual preferences together in a beautiful way.

If you’re not that crazy about having sex, may you partner be on the same boat as well. Nothing is more frustrating than feeling like you’re starved for something you crave more of, and needing to constantly beg for it only to be rejected on a loop from a partner that is generally uninterested in sex. It’s not a life I would recommend for optimal mental wellness. And if you’re not that into the bells and whistles, but have a partner who longs for constant change and newness in the bedroom, that’s another way to be incompatible. Sexual Alignment exists when the frequency, approach and sexual intercourse-style matches up. This is very important to me, and definitely worthy of the number one spot here. Perhaps it may be possible to teach someone how to satisfy you sexually, but know this: Some people already know instinctively. Connecting in this way is incredibly satisfying in all of the best ways.

2. Specific Kind of Quality Time

a) Creative Projects Together/Building Wealth Together

The breakdown of the “Quality time” Love language is a must for me. What is quality time? Can I get a few ideas?!

Getting creative is quite fun and exciting, especially if you find a way to make it profitable as well. From the enthusiastic ideation, to the getting impressed with one another beautiful way of thinking, it can be an exciting time indeed. Many fail to recognize that the relationship between creative energy and sexual energy is quite powerful. When you are in a state of flow and creativity, it quite literally gets your juices flowing as it relates to arousal. Don’t take my word for it! Read this incredible article entitled “Create with your Libido — Fuck with your Creativity” By one of my favorite Medium authors, Ena Dahl. (Do yourself a favor and follow her). This relates the first of my two new love languages quite well:

Sex is the ultimate expression of creativity; it is the essence of creation. Our libido gives birth to all life. — Ena Dahl

B) Exercising Together

A couple that trains together, gains together.

Watching your partner during a workout? They’re all breathy, sweating and flushed? How sexy! Exercise has got to be a form of foreplay for me personally. The flexing muscles, the grunts of effort, and the elated feeling after a workout? Let’s hit the showers honey!

Watching each others bodies slowly change, as we get sexier it increases our attraction to one another, and there’s a playful competitive nature when you train together. Accountability partners help you remain consistent as well, it’s harder to skip a workout when you’ve planned to have someone join you for said workout.

3. Specific Kind of Act of Service:

A) Cooking for Partners

Watching them delight as they go for a second plate and devour the delicious food you’ve prepared for them? There's a special kind of exchange there for sure.

The most important ingredient in cooking is the love.

I always cook something special on special occasions. It always takes me forever to find all of the ingredients and its always so well appreciated that my love language number 1 gets a double whammy.

Conclusion

Now you know what my ideal relationship is like, filled with juicy creative energy, breathy workouts and a lot of mind-bendingly good sex… oh and good food.

What about you? Can you think of any love languages beyond the core 5 (Physical touch, Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts and General Quality Time)

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Cassandra Boom
Yoni Portal

Trauma-Informed Psychotherapist-in-Training & Editor of The Upside Publication. Podcaster & Poet that’s Radically Honest & Defiantly Happy. Hi!