6. It’s US, not You & Me
Or why are your relationships wanting?
Both my dad and my best friend had something to celebrate today. It was my dad’s name day. And my best friend turned 30.
Usually, we talk early. This time, though, I only realized it had been the 7th well after 10 p.m. Shame on me! Regrdless of being too late, I still called and here’s how my conversations went…
Dad & Time
I have more of distant-friend-to-distant-friend relationship with my dad. My parents had separated when I was 4 and my father was only present from time to time. I made sure he enjoyed the bumpiest of rides through my adolescence and early 20s. But now we’re cool-ish.
I’ve learnt a great deal from my relationship with my dad. I’ll tell you more on our way to the 100th post.
Dad has this awesome punch-lining skill. Meaning that in the middle of a conversation, when I’m absolutely sure I’ve lost him long back, he drops a wisdom bomb. Not only does this fit my talk, but it’s also a viable solution. Take that! I guess he was listening. More than I know. More than I’d like to admit.
So, on our 10 minutes call today, I was appologising for calling so late and he said:
No worries, doll. Time‘s got nothing on us.
We used to see each other every month. Now, it’s only every other month. About our meetings, he has this other saying — When it’ll be, it’ll be. He’s not a man of certainties or plans. Nor does he quite prioritise us.
I never knew how to be his daughter. I never knew how to be anyone’s daughter, for that matter. But whenever I interact with him I remember of being a kid. I remember that I’m somebody’s kid.
And as a kid… I’m greatly impressed and vividly happy when I get even the slightest hint that dad cares about or treasures me. For instance, earlier, the kid in me heard that our bond is stronger than time. Which is big. And heavy. And beautiful to hear.
But, even so, to think that we’ve got time?! Come on, dad.
My Best Friend turned 30!
Time has nothing on her, either. I love this girl.
We met last winter. We did New Year’s together. Then met a few times. And moved in together. Cause that’s what normal people do, right? We were both in search of a change and a room mate. So, we fit.
In one of our Expectations Meeting — a meet up over a coffee to agree upon how we’re gonna do life togehter — she said:
Hey, if this doesn’t work out, we can still be friends. No worries.
I took that extremely well. Appreciated it. Been greatful for it because that was the first time I had ever created an authentic relationship freely and by power of will only. Because for the first time, I was allowed — better yet invited — to be myself. And if we weren’t a match, that would be OKAY!
How that mattered. And what a difference did it make for me. I love telling this story. Did it at least a dozen times till now.
Today, though, we didn’t talk. I didn’t call to wish her Happy BDay until 10.30 p.m. Usually, I would feel sorry for looking bad and seeming unthoughtful. But this time, I felt sorry for not being there to celebrate it with her.
The Subtext
The first one is a story of how authentic relationships defy time.
The second one is a story of how authentic relationships defy mistakes.
How do I know both my relationships are going to work out beautifully?
Most of us exist and interact under a lot of pressure. Either past tensions we’re bringing to the now, either stupid standards we’ve picked up along the way somewhere, or expectations from the other person.
To answer the question above — The spotlight is on us. Not just me.
I’ve learned that in order to make relationships work we only need to take the pressure of “being a good partner” and put it on “building a good relationship”. In other words, put the connection under the spotlight and not the individual.
Do you know why we never get things done? Or why we don’t work towards our dreams? Because we pay more attention to ourselves — usually, what would make us look good or be cool — instead of that which we create.
Relationships are an act of creation. Honoring the connection grows us. Not the other way around.
In your own context, are you building a relationship or a personal brand?
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Read other Naked Words I’ve written lately:
#Prodigality | #LettingGo | #Story | #Voice | #Freedom |
