How to escape the obsolete holiday concept?
Summer time. Work projects slowed down. People are *finally* sharing their summer bodies or #trueself (those who gave up the gym) on the beach. This is life. At least now for a week when you don’t have to check the work mail. It will await you later. Not today. You get another glass of wine to forget about it and run away from the anxiety of the everyday.
I wish this was less complex and mainly, less common. In the end, when you rethink it, it’s very simple:
You live something you do not want. A life you’re trying to escape. Holidays be the hope of tomorrow. As is the pension and other lies.
Stability, anyone? On the rocks, twice, to go.
Introducing the exhausting run of today
“How were your holidays?”
“We had bad weather, so we stayed in the hotel. But at least, we saw the seaside and I read a book.”
Ehhhh, is this what you’re waiting for all year?
I forgot that this is the way many people actually live:
You wake up, go to the office, go back, make money, pay the mortgage, pay the bills, you see your family on the weekend when you’re exhausted, you cannot quit the job you hate because you have ‘commitments’ you chose, you are afraid to risk (no surprise), when finally home, you are only ready to wind off passively by watching the TV or scroll social media, or you restrain all the joys because you gotta save some money to finally go on holidays in summer.
Do you know what I imagine in my mind? A mice wheel. A mouse running there all day long, locked in a glass cube, sometimes going for the water, food, and getting some amount of sleep. And again. And again.
This general idea of life kinda made me anxious. Where’s my pina colada?
What’s the matter?
Observing the surrounding, I believe people only forgot they opted into the predefined standardized life dictated by society as the only way to go. It feels somehow obvious to live what others want. It’s the default option, not many dares to question it. I am not surprised we lack passion. We’re so busy in today’s world that we don’t stop for a while to reflect. We don’t have a chance to process what’s even going on and were one foot away from the grave. Yes, that was it. No repeat, no other chances.
But no guilt.
It’s incredibly difficult to escape the rush of today's world run by algorithms. As Naval puts it (again, I know, but he’s just brilliant), remember there are the best brains working in the factories to make you engage with social media or video games. No surprise that the runaway is so difficult. (I wrote more about the focus here.)
But mainly, who’d even ask? Everyone does it. We normalize the wrong patterns. And everything around just triggers your dopamine levels over and over again. (Something about the dopamine loop here.)
Is it even bad?
Well, this depends on how you want to spend your life. You can just keep doing what you do, or aim for the escape to a more balanced and happy life. Yay. Sounds like a dream? Well, there’s a lot of work done behind, so no cheerleaders yet pls.
Rethink the tiredness & the life that sucks
Do you feel tired from your life? Then change it.
I often felt tired and I found certain root causes a few years ago:
- I actually didn’t get enough sleep.
- I didn’t eat enough food — I didn’t get enough proper energy.
- I was anxious.
What most people would do?
They wouldn’t even try to search for the root causes.
We tend to survive — we do the job despite being tired. Yet a 20-minute nap might be a quick temporary fix to regain some more energy. And, the change in sleeping habits is a way to make a difference long-term.
I am afraid the biggest problem of many is anxiety. We are afraid to risk. We hate our job. We may even hate our partner and there’s no one to listen. We have problems we don’t know how to resolve. We focus too much on what we do not control.
Whatever it may be — fix these things. Go to the root cause. See more about first-principle-thinking and rethink what sucks in your life. Now.
Remember the motivation loop that consists of Inspiration > Motivation > Action ~ which creates the inspiration again. This means you may start with the action first to keep the momentum going. Yay! Yet, be careful about not doing the wrong things and actually avoiding what must be resolved. This is called pseudo-productivity: doing the unnecessary, often the comfortable, while avoiding what should be done.
The catches of the 21st century
If you create in yourself a strong urge to live (which I truly have), you will do things more easily. But it’s that will urge, not get misunderstood with the emotional shopping. You got FOMO (fear of missing out) in every ad. Marketing creates urgency about everything, triggering our emotions and other weaknesses. Yet I’ve realized what’s the real right life balance:
You wanna make work both — the will to do things, and the ability to not do things.
My aim for goals is not to finish a goal.
I aim to create a habit. To me, it’s that moment when doing things is simple and feels easy. I have enough will to do anything I aim for.
At the same time, I enjoy the momentum. I love the flow and I focus on active leisure (and you must read this book about flow if you haven’t yet). To me, life is a journey and I keep in my mind I can escape it at any given moment.
But what’s the other side & real mastery to me is also the ability to postpone the urge. Inspirative thoughts are in the Psychocybernetics book. Got a notification (please, turn them off now if you haven’t yet)? Call? Don’t get up so quickly. Keep it ringing. Afraid you’ll miss an event? A discount?
Learn the JOMO then — the joy of missing out. It’s more difficult than it seems. The reason is the overwhelming pressure created by the marketing of companies. We’re pushed wherever we go— to buy now, we see the timers around, how many places are already sold out on Booking, and much more. But these triggers don’t strengthen our will. So the optimal is to learn both — to act & not to act. And of course, to prioritize and identify what matters.
Can life be even different?
TL;DR: Yes.
I kinda live it.
You may say that I was fortunate — haha, far from it, but nice try. My conditions were specific. Like no one really cared. But the more likely I was afraid to risk because I never had anyone behind me who’d save me in case stuff went wrong. (And I’m learning that now.) On the other hand, I was not very limited in terms of what I am required to do. Low expectations from the surroundings and my zero giving a sh*t caused that I observed my wishes. And I got to the understanding that I wanna be happy and live well.
So back to you & first thing first: holidays.
Holidays are obsolete. You wait all year round to finally relax. But that’s not how it works. You want to work through relaxation every day. And it doesn’t have to cost you much.
How to fix it:
- Identify what you enjoy.
- Commit yourself to doing it regularly.
Yeah, that’s kind of it.
Escape the treadmill. Live your life. Go for it. The time’s far too short.
Possible issues #1: Your surrounding doesn’t accept it.
Solution: Yeah, if they don’t, I guess they also live an unhappy life. Be aware that people who we listen to are often the ones that are not the appropriate ones. Do you wish to travel the world? Then don’t ask the opinion of someone who never left their village. Keep dreaming big and find the right surrounding & environment. People often tend to see only the perspective they got through their own limited experience. That’s kinda understandable, but don’t listen to them. Yes, I know they’re your close friends, but even those are not right.
Possible issues #2: Work conditions
You identified the life you wanna live as living at the seaside but you have a job in the capital? Change your job. Educate yourself. And find something you can do remotely (I write a lot about this on my LinkedIn) either in-house for a company, an agency (to be an outsourced specialist), or go freelance. Or find a job elsewhere, of course.
If your current work doesn’t allow you to live the life you want, then you have only two options:
- To complain,
- To change your work.
Maybe that’s not what you wanted to hear, but that’s me. Honest. Take it and apply it.
At the same time — Remote Work won’t save you. If you have a job you hate but you do it from a nice place, that’s not sustainable either. Hi again, anxiety. Don’t do it. Find something you enjoy in a non-toxic company. Get yourself some normal surroundings and move to a country & environment you like.
It feels so obvious to me today already that I do not understand why people don’t live it. Doesn’t it even sound stupid? Like to live life according to the expectation of others? Or being locked in some cube all year round to escape for a week or two once a year like a temporary rescue somewhere we want? What do you expect? What are you waiting for? Like to be retired in your 70s, unable to move, to finally enjoy your life? I do not even expect us to be here by then.
Conclusion
Live what you want. It’s more difficult than it sounds, so you’ll have to give in some effort. But it’s worth it. Commit yourself to living your best life now. Yup, like today, make the baby steps towards an ideal life. If you don’t know what exactly it looks like, that’s okay. We all figure it out as we go. Just go for some better now. Don’t wait for holidays once or twice a year. Live every day the way you like. Get a job you enjoy. Find a partner you want to be with & can imagine yourself together 20 years from now too. Move to the place you want and if you don’t know what it’s like, then travel to find out. Or Google, that’s a little faster. Enjoy.
Yours,
Sam
Bonus: My favorite imagination game
Imagine it’s your birthday today. Congratulations! You’re free. No responsibilities. It’s your day. How would you spend it?
Now implement it every day of your life. Cheers.
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