Manifesto Intros Part 3: UKIP

Reading between the lines of the 2015 UK Election.

Mr Farage would like a minute of your time.

The UKIP Manifesto 2015

Translation: We’re quite literal-minded, and we know you are too.

May 7th presents the people of Britain with an incredible opportunity.

This is our one chance, so we’re going for it.

For the first time in 100 years, there is real change on the horizon. All you have to do is vote for it.

They all laughed at us. Not so funny now, eh?

Political party manifestos are usually filled with arbitrary, over-ambitious targets and pledges to some special interest group here or there. UKIP is different.

We might not be experienced politicos, but we know our audience.

In this document, which should inform your choice at this election, you will find serious, fully-costed policies that reflect what our party is all about: believing in our country.

Can I just say, we spent ages writing this, so you’d better sodding read it. Oh all right. Basically, I’ve totted up the numbers and they tell me what we’ve known all along: foreigners are bad.

On the major issues of the day — immigration, the economy, our health service and living standards — the establishment parties have repeatedly and knowingly raised the expectations of the public, only to let us down, time and time again.

Observe that I’m saying immigration is a higher priority than living standards. (I did tell you I know my audience.)

In many ways, this is where UKIP came from: a feeling that successive governments were no longer representing the will of the British people.

Getting old sucks. No-one listens to you anymore.

Now, there is something to vote for, if you believe in Britain.

It’s okay, we can’t relate to the modern world either.

If you believe that we are big enough to make our own laws, in our own parliament; if you believe we should have the sovereign right to control our own borders; if you believe that we should be fiscally responsible, and stop adding to our national debts and expecting our children and grandchildren to pay the bill, then we are the party for you.

If you’re a bit paranoid, we’re the party for you. Also, think of the middle class children.

If you believe in these things and that in this year, the 800th anniversary of Magna Carta, you believe we should seize the opportunity for real change in our politics; rebalance power from large corporations and big government institutions and put it back into the hands of the people of this country, then there really is only one choice.

If use of the phrase ‘Magna Carta’ seems relevant to you in this context, and you wish everything wasn’t so complicated, there’s only one choice.

If you believe in Britain, vote UKIP on May 7th.

If you’re not racist, but like starting sentences that way, vote UKIP on May 7th.

Summary: barely concealed xenophobia, self-aggrandising (yet hopelessly awkward) historical allusions and a sense of bafflement with the modern world.

Phew. Let’s head over to the Lib Dems!

Or find out what other party leaders have to say here.

Comments? Queries? Find and follow me at @emmaclarebrooks.

Visit the UKIP manifesto front page for reals here.

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