Manifesto Intros Part 4: Lib Dems

Our 2015 UK Election subtext special continues…

The Lib Dem manifesto page is so tasteful, almost as if they don’t want you to have an opinion on it. Hmm. What do the words say?

Let’s start with what is probably my favourite title of the lot…

Manifesto

Translation: We’ll keep this short, because we’re sooo not sticking our necks out at this point.

When Liberal Democrats launched our 2010 General Election manifesto, few people expected that many of the policies it contained would be implemented by the next Government. But that’s what happened: three quarters of those policies formed the backbone of the Coalition’s programme.

Everyone used to think we were pointless. Look at us now. BAM. Cabinet, Bitchez!

In Government, Liberal Democrats delivered on front-page commitments like raising the Income Tax threshold and investing in the poorest schoolchildren through the Pupil Premium.

We even did some of the things we said we would. Get us!

But our mission has only just begun. You can’t build the future we want in just five years.

Okay, there was lots of stuff we didn’t do. But give us more time and we totally will.

For the first time, this is a Liberal Democrat manifesto that builds on a record of policies delivered in national government.

For one thing, we sort of know what we’re talking about now. Amazing.

That’s why, in Government for the next five years, Liberal Democrats will continue to build a stronger economy and a fairer society with opportunity for everyone. This manifesto sets out how.

Look, we’re probably going to get in again, because the numbers are so close and everyone else hates each other. We thought we’d put something together anyway because, policies — but like, whatever.

See you in Downing Street!

Summary: the policies are irrelevant — we know it, they know it. This is about keeping heads down and waiting for the numbers to tell. Smugly.

Need a break from the bland? SNP next.

I also have more flavours of manifesto front pages here.

Comments? Queries? Find and follow me at @emmaclarebrooks.

Or read the lovely Lib Dem manifesto front page for yourself.