Confession: Before I Met Lauren, I Had Trouble Ejaculating During Sex. I Cum Every Time Now.
True sexual enjoyment requires the right intimate partner.
Note: The title of this entry is merely to get your attention. The prose below goes much deeper than orgasm.
By the time Lauren and I met in 1997 — we were both 23 years-old— I’d had five sex partners (all females) and she’d had seven, including four guys and three girls.
The sex I had with the five women before Lauren — all but one of them “steady” girlfriends—was fun. With three of them, it was wild as they were very sexual.
There was just one problem: I had a hard time reaching orgasm with all of them. Some of that, I suspect, was because I had to use a condom every time, and I often worried it would break.
With one of the girls I dated — the first girl I ever had sex with — we had a pregnancy scare, and it left me scarred and stressed every time we had sex.
Like a lot of guys, I’ve never been able to fully enjoy sex when I have to strap on protection.
With my sex partners before Lauren, if after 15 or 20 minutes of sex I hadn’t cum, typically I just faked it, which was awful because a) I felt like something was wrong with me, and b) afterward I’d have “blue balls” and would have to, at some point, masturbate to bring relief.
Even during blowjobs it wasn’t easy to cum. I always came during blowjobs but it occasionally took a long time.
To this day, I don’t know fully what the issue was because I was plenty horny and the women I had sex with before Lauren were great lovers and very attractive. Well, three of them were great lovers and two were….eh. Maybe it was the fear of a condom breaking? Maybe I wasn’t ready for sex?
When Lauren and I met in the spring of 1997 at a university coffee shop, I was in grad school and she was in medical school. We happened to both be single…or so I thought. I say “so I thought” because she had Allison. We pretty much instantly fell in love. We connected and got along. It was easy to talk with each other. The sexual attraction between us was like nothing we’d ever experienced. To this day, I’ve never found another woman more beautiful, more sexually attractive and more irresistible.
We became exclusive immediately, so much so that Lauren, without my knowledge at the time, cut off her relationship with Allison, only later to ask me if she could resume it — the topic of another post.
Sexual intimacy came quickly. Hands went under our clothing on our second date. We had full-blown oral sex on our third date, during which she gave me a blowjob like I’d never at the time received — and she swallowed, too. When she swallowed that first time, it was as if she truly enjoyed my seed. I’ll never forget seeing her lick her lips after she ingested my load. We had intercourse for the first time the next day.
Within two weeks as a couple, we were fucking all the time and I’d since put the condoms away since she was on the pill. She gave me the most playful, teasing and fun blowjobs, allowing me to watch her suck my dick, suck on and lick my balls and generally get me off (turns out Lauren’s seven sex partners didn’t include guys she blew).
She touched herself when we made love. I watched her masturbate to orgasm and she watched me. I had seen a woman touch herself but never watched a woman actually self-pleasure to orgasm in front of me. I did the same in front of her — a first for me.
Within three or four weeks, I was pounding her in every position while she called me daddy. Our sex life took off quickly and I’d never until that time experienced a woman like Lauren. By this point, we had professed our love for one another.
The strange thing is this: With Lauren, I came every time. I came fast and hard. Even when I had to strap on a condom with her before we transitioned to bareback, I came. When I no longer had to wear a condom, oh did I come.
She came every time, too. In bed, she told me what she liked and I did it. She gave me feedback that allowed me to be a better lover and meet her sexual needs and desires. And she asked me to give her feedback, which was uncomfortable for me at first but eventually I told her what I liked and wanted more of — and she did it all. Real-time sexual feedback and conversations about sexual desires were new things to me at the time.
All these years later, nothing has changed even as we’ve welcomed women into our bed, joined the swinger lifestyle and explored plenty of kink. Our sex isn’t just as good as it was 26 years ago; it’s better. Even amid all the lovers we share and the occasional fog we experience from the lifestyle’s excitement and sexual overwhelm, ultimately what matters is Lauren and me as a couple — as a husband and wife, as a mom and dad to our beloved child.
By the way, even today, when I need to occasionally strap on a condom for sex with other women who aren’t (yet) on the “bareback-allowed” list, I cum. It was like Lauren released from me some kind of tension that held my full pleasure hostage. It was like she fixed what was broken.
Today, I feel so grateful for what we share. I’m grateful for Lauren as my wife, as a woman, as my lover, as my intimate sex partner, as my best friend and as the mother of our son.
Life is good. And I hope it is for you, too.
